Barky

in life •  2 days ago 

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RARF!! RAAAARF RAAARF RAAARF!

I looked up from the exceptionally complex and business critical pie chart on my screen to see what on earth the mad barking commotion was about.

Holy shit!

A mere fifty feet away the door had been blasted off its hinges and a barking thing of nightmares had leapt through the debris.

It's face was a gnarled, contorted wrinkly mass and it's eyes glowed red as if the fires of hell itself burned within.

Snarling, it threw its head from side to side before fastening its foul gaze on a terrified and petrified Business Analyst nearby.

Nooo... Please?

He managed to squeak before the demonic dog thing sprung forward and clamped its ravening jaws around his head.

There was a muffled squeak then the dog thing jerked its head swiftly up and to the side.

A gout of blood sprayed up from the severed neck of the unfortunate Business Analyst.

The dog thing contemptuously spat out his chewed up head where it forlornly rolled to a halt near a waste paper basket.

Oh shit, oh shit. We're doomed...

Whispered my colleague Old Bill sitting next to me.

A Project Manager, not realising that a hound of hell had broken down the doors of the place and was proceeding to devour the souls of the ICT innocent, rounded a corner directly into the path of the hideous dog thing.

Ah... Aaah. Aagggh?

He stuttered apologetically as it slowly opened its glisteningly slaborous mouth and bellowed a deafening roar of rage and seething fury.

The Project Manager wilted in the face of such terror. His head melting and running down his shirt in globulous red rivulets.

The dog thing paused. The office strangely quiet now besides its evil snuffling.

Suddenly it whipped its awful head in my direction.

RAAAAAAAR!!

It stampeded toward me. It's leathery clawed feet thudding and scraping at the floor as it rapidly closed the distance between us.

Shit, she's seen us!?

Whimpered Old Bill, sounding as though his back bin had slopped its contents out into his pants.

Time seemed to slow and I noticed that indeed it was a she. It's sinuous and demonic form almost gracefully feminine.

Then it was before me.

And you, weren't you meant to send me something?

It snarled.

I smiled as if I had wrapped a face-cloth around my penis and was showing everyone my ET on a bike impersonation.

Yeah, sent it this morning. First thing actually.

I crossed my legs like a male Sharon Stone and smiled winsomely at Barky, our formidable new Innovation Manager.

Her grizzled face relaxed slightly.

Oh, thanks. Sorry, not checked my mails yet.

She turned heel and trotted off in the search of more meat.

Oh my god, she's terrifying!?

Muttered Old Bill his face twisted with fear as if his wife had found out about his clam fetish.

I nodded in approval as I willed my own dog thing back in its kennel.

I smiled.

Aye. A wee bit

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First thought I was in a Percy Jackson book - She sounds scary

You should hear her voice. It's the scariest of all, it is like a hoarse bark. Terrorises them all. And me a tiny bit lol!!

Is the getting heads ripped off thing seasonal or normal? And Barky (who does not seem to bear any resemblance to Barky the Barking Dog) should probably check her email before rampaging through the office (unless she has to rampage through the office to get to her space?) 🤣

She just likes a rampage! It's bloody magic. So the IT dweebs are terrified of her when she is actually ok but just hate the fact that no one does anything when they are asked! Probably won't last long :0D

good flow

Than you very much!

Thanks for share your thoughts

Posted using Partiko Android

Thank you!

TLDR

Whilst I don't expect comments from people downvoting as it's their stake and they can do what they like with it. I am surprised at your ridiculous comment too support your downvote.

Tell me truthfully. Is this spite?

had wrapped a face-cloth around my penis and was showing everyone my ET on a bike impersonation.

You do this too?

Innovation Manager

Besides terrifying staff and innovating what exactly does an innovation manager do?

It's the best trick a man can do!!! :0D

I don't think anyone knows what a innovation manager does. They ask for a lot of charts, maybe that's it. Lol!!

  ·  yesterday (edited)

Yes, the old ET dick-trick...It's gold. I do it when in the line at the bank...They try hard to make me use the ATM out the front now, which I do, but I always stand in line ET-ing anyway... 😂

EDIT: Innovation managers sound like dicks...And I don't mean good ET ones either.

Haha, is one way of getting past the queue!!!

I save mine for the special occasions. Anniversaries, birthdays and stuff. Who needs to but expensive presents when you can show them dick ET,!!

I suspect you may be right there!

Me on Christmas day: ET dick for everyone!
Everyone: 😱
Me: No seriously, Boom said expensive presents aren't required, just ET dick.
Everyone: G-dog, you're a dick!

Hahahaha, it's the new weird Santa!!! :0D

I contemplated not writing that...It's the blockchain after all. But then I thought, nah, might as well. Nothing to lose. I figured I might inspire someone to deploy ET dick Christmas presents to their family this year.

If they do I hope they don't feel the need to show the pics. L ok l!

El Jeffe has left and you have a new fearsome lady boss?

Oh no. If only! El Jefe is alive and well. This is yet another addition to the management canon. We have quite a lot!! :0D

El Jeffe sounds like a great dude, if you can only keep awake during his meetings.., whereas this one bites.

Bites, roars, I have even seen a foot stamping. El Jefe is funny. A terrible secret is that I actually get on alright with him. Hence how I get away with so much ribbing of his antics :0D

!BEER
for you



Hey @meesterboom, here is a little bit of BEER from @eii for you. Enjoy it!