Back Fat

Daddy-Bear, can you help me with my button?

The Good Lady called from the bedroom.

Button?! my ears perked up and my one-eyed salamander huffed softly in its slumber.

I flew into the bedroom like one of those runners with the metal ski-feet. I knew what helping with a button meant. Oh yes indeed, it looked like it was time to hide the purple monkey.

I stopped dead.

The Good Lady was standing before me with a new dress on. Her arms were all contorted up around her neck and she looked for all the world like a bewildered Octopus.

Not quite the sexy sexy vibe I was expecting.

Madame wished for some help with her... button?

I stood slightly sidewards in a way that I hope emphasised my Silent Bob.

The Good Lady stopped wrestling with her dress and shot me a look.

Not that kind of button you mad diddy. The button on this dress, I can't quite reach it. It's the new one that arrived yesterday and am trying it on.

She turned her back to me and presented her button.

Sadly, it truly was the button on her dress up at her neck. With a sad chuffing noise, I moved in and deftly fastened her up.

The Good Lady turned and frowned, shoogling her shoulders back and forth.

Hmmph. That's annoying.

She grumbled, swinging her upper arms about as if wading through heavy water.

What is? It looks very fetching on you?

I said with a flirty tip of the head.

This...

She writhed around a bit.

It fits really well everywhere except round my ribs. It feels too tight there. Bugger, I will have to send it back.

She sighed.

Is it definitely the right size?

I asked, throwing my gargantuan intellect into the fray.

The Good Lady flared her nostrils and gave me a jaggy look.

I think I know my own size Daddy-Bear, thank you very much. It is definitely the right size but I think it must be the way it is made, it fits perfectly everywhere except around my ribs and its not as if I have fat around my ribs. So, it is just badly made I think.

She started to turn, lifting her hair so I could get the button.

Back fat.

I said matter of factly.

She halted and slowly turned back to face me, her face was a weird flushed colour, like what I imagine puce to be even though I have literally no idea what puce is.

What. Did. You. Say?

She gritted out through suddenly vicious-looking teeth.

Back fat. See, it's simple. You are right, of course you don't get fat on your ribs. So it's back fat. That's all.

I smiled brightly, like a fool walking a labrador that has just eaten another dog's shit

Pardon?

Her eyes sparked like fire in a blackened pot.

Back fat!

I reached out a hand to poke at her back which was swiftly batted away.

Daddy-Bear, you know the help I needed with the button?

The Good Lady placed a hand on my chest and started nudging me toward the door.

Yes?

She got me to the door and gave me a decisive shove outward.

You won't have to worry about helping with my button for a very long time.

She closed the door.

Oops