Yet another children's party.
I and the good lady sat and watched our little girl run up, down and all around, screeching with a bunch of other lively five-year-olds.
The coffee was decidedly poor and I was a little bored. Truth to tell I was both bored and a little mischievous feeling. I looked at the good lady, she was checking her phone. The little boom asleep in her lap.
I scanned about for other daddies but for once I was the lone male in a sea of mummies.
I nudged the good lady, who looked up in annoyance at the interruption to her sacred Facebook time.
Enjoying Facebook dear?
I've hardly looked at it, I am just reading an article.
She said, a little defensively.
You posted anything today?
Just wondering how much your post made?
I said with a cheeky glint in my eye.
She opened her mouth to react then closed it. A sneaky smile flitted over face.
Probably made more than you by not even earning anything what with the state of crypto at the moment.
My smile faltered at her low blow about crypto. Not for the first time I regretted enthusiastically sharing all my Steemit and crypto news.
When will I learn?
We sat in that peculiar silence that parents of young children get when their young brood actually buggers off for a while and you have time to yourselves and sort of realise you are out of the habit of talking as it has been so long.
Despite all the training I have been getting in work about silence, I am not a fan.
I attempted to make some conversation.
Fancy playing a game?
The good lady reluctantly put down her phone.
Oh alright, what is the game?
She said it with that world weary air that women get when they have played too many games with the BoomDawg.
I grinned like a madman and moved in to whisper in her ear.
The game is... Guess which one of the mummies I would sleep with if we weren't married?
She pulled back, a horrified expression in her face as if I had deposited a milkman's latte in her cereal.
What, tell me you are kidding? That is so disrespectful to women!? It's outrageous! It's mysogynistic!
She shook her head and glowered at me.
I leaned back, my patented who's the daddy smile on.
Fair enough, sorry. Silly Daddy.
We sat for a few minutes, the good lady chewing at some imaginary beef jerky.
Alright then, I am definitely NOT playing your game. It's Anita though isn't it?
Anita? Goodness no, she has such big feet. Like a dinosaur.
The good lady have me a disparaging look.
In that case it absolutely must be Suzanne.
Suzanne, heck no. She has a droopy eye.
Eh? No she doesn't!
Said the good lady feeling all girl-solidarity.
She does, have a peek.
The good lady looked over surreptitiously.
Oh, you're right. Hmm, I never noticed that. Ok, one more try them just bloody tell me. It must be Becky?
Becky? Becky?! No, she has the look of someone who eats penises and not in a good way.
God, you are terrible.
That's why you love me, sweetcheeks.
She rolled her eyes.
Right, it's almost time to go. Fess up, which one of my mummy friends would it be?
I leaned in.
None of them you daftie, I have only eyes for you.
The good lady blushed a little and leaned over and gave me a kiss.
Sometimes you are so sweet.
I nodded and gave her a hug. It would have been Becky the penis eater of course but she didn't have to know that.