Hurdles in Life
If the recent weeks was difficult enough for me was bad enough today I find out another hurdle to contend with. The bottom line is the current hurdle I have is a financial one. The price to pay is money and time that will likely never be recouped back ever. Not being negative but it is the reality of which I am in.
When I look back at my circumstances and what I could have done better to avoid these hurdles I face I realize one key component I continue to neglect or underestimate. The component my lack of caring what matters the most to me. For example, I go to work to earn an income so that my family is financially safe. Yet while I am at work I neglect my house responsibilities such as maintaining house and have to spend my hard earn income to hire a contractor to maintain my house. The contractor's bills pile on and negates what I earn and then some. So not only did I not secure my family financially I lost time being at home with my family. All this exacerbates things by feeling anger at the world for no remorse for me.
Then I ask myself, "Why not do the things I want to make myself feel happy? We go to work if it brings no benefits to me? Why not stay home and by with my family and work for them instead of someone else?"
The goals and ambitions we set for ourselves in today's worlds can sometimes be distorted by what we really want. Being rich or famous are the most common, but when I go to my grave will anything I leave behind for my children be worth for them to keep is a different story? What life I live will be passed onto them. What I earn or own will later go to them. The end goal really is to make their lives easier.
In conclusion it seems a lot of what I have been doing for the past few years was not for the greater good for my family. Reason I say this is because I am facing hurdles that will set me back financially which is really setting my family back. There is no excuse not to have family first but I was distracted from focusing on helping the ones I wanted to help the most while helping those that did not really care for me. As of now I must mitigate the damage of this upcoming financial hurdle as best as I can as I love my family too much to want them to suffer another setback.
Thanks for reading.
The best thing you can do is teach your children how to be happy, whether they have money or not. Money is irrelevant to happiness.
I sometimes wish I was born in a small African village somewhere, or a Pacific island tribe, where the concept of money is meaningless. You get up each day, sort out your food and shelter and then help the rest of the tribe if they need it.
No mortgage to worry about, no bills, no 9-5 job with a boss you hate, no communting. Just surrounded by people that you love and who love you back. By western standards, living in poverty, but extremely happy and satisfied with life.
I know it sounds strange coming from someone who literally buys and sells money to make more money, but if I had to make some choices again I wouldn't have went down this path.
And don't concern yourself with how much you'll be able to leave your children. They'll have to go out into the world and earn for themselves ! I know the desire is strong to give them a 'good start' but being handed a lot of money at the beginning when they won't appreciate it won't make them happy people in the long run.
I feel the same way sometimes and it drives me nuts that this has to be a way to live. The reality is most develop countries measure success through the amount of assets they hold. Why else do people in develop countries know the likes of Bill Gates, Warren Buffet, Jeff Bezos, or Mark Zuckerberg. (We likely would never know these people's names if we were living in a third world country.)
We all want what is best for the next generation and reality is it comes down to how much money they can spend. College and where they live are major expenses that can not be overlooked. I been through the rag to riches through watching my parents and how they raised my siblings and I. So it is difficult to ignore that what my parents have given me and me not being able to return the favor by giving the same to my kids.
I do need to focus more on my girls' strengths and emphasize to them that excel at what they are good at because it will help them in their future occupations. When I was in college I still did not know what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. So certain mistakes I made since than comes from the lack of a solid foundation. Similar to how you say teach them to be happy I should also teach them to be productive and helpful to society. So indeed I'll do what I can financially to support them, but help them more emotionally and mentally as they grow up. Thanks.
I just think I'm very pragmatic about life. I can't remember who said this but it always stuck with me >
"I once thought I was a poor man, because I didn't own any shoes. But then I met a man who didn't have any feet..."
No matter how bad things are, things are even worse for someone else. When the kids complain about not having the latest Iphone I tell them at least you're not dodging bullets and mortars in a war zone right now like some children are, just trying to find something to eat.
I know they don't understand it now because they have the selfishness of childhood, but one day they'll get it.
I always took things in perspective so yeah got to think the positive. It is just most times I take the easy route and say hey it could be worse when in fact it likely is the worse situation I can get myself in and still accept it. This type of thinking makes me see things as a pessimist more than an optimist and I must change.
Yes its easier to not have an iphone than to be dodging bullets. I give but not give ridiculously to them lol. We give them our second hand phones and they have to deal with it because the money we can save is going to their college savings.
tell them to get a job and pay for their own college ! :-)
I think you have to be a little selfish for yourself. Not to say that you do things solely for yourself but start to drop the heavy burden and guilt that drags on you. Buy letting go of the guilt of the past even when the past is kicking us in the ding ding, we can focus on the present and the future. They past is done and we can’t walk it back, we can only live for now and the what is in front of us. So live and love selfishly. Hold on to your family despite what the past is dredging up, it matters not. Show you children that it is not our mistakes that define us but how we recover from them.
You have to take care of yourself and you have to be able to forgive yourself. We often times are the hardest on ourselves, we forget nothing and are haunted by mistakes and what if’s.
I am I in many ways right where you are. My children are a bit older but still am haunted by the ghosts of my past mistakes. I think there is redemption for us, we just have to find our path to it.
Oh I think I am too selfish because many mistakes were done because I indulged on my temptations. I certainly have to let it all go and not let it get to me so that I can focus on tasks at hand.
You said it best:
Thanks for the kind words and support.