Misconceptions on being Introverts | My life as a wallflower
If I am asked if I am an introvert or an extrovert my first tendency is to answer that I am an introvert. I have always been dubbed as the "Quiet one", the person who laughs at jokes, the wallflower who silently listens and gives advice, the support class hero who always have a nice word to say.
Such is how people view me and in a way viewed myself. Society loves its categories as it sets labels and qualifications to easily distinguish and segregate people.
I remember a childhood memory of being 2 years old amidst the smell of varnish, leather, and wood in a furniture shop that we had when we lived in Baguio. Of being left in a corner with a box of Lego while my sister played with her friends and was too young to take care of me. She would come back and see me in the same spot.
Later on, I hid amongst books and video games, choosing to disappear into the realm of imagination and wonder.
You know as a kid someone in your class always made a slam book to know who the crushes are. One of the frequent questions there is how would you describe a person. Timid and soft-spoken were words people used when they describe me. Anti-social and loner also were used by those of a more spiteful disposition.
Introverts are Soft-spoken
I have to admit that I am really soft-spoken and have gotten so many complaints from exes that they can hardly hear me speak and would often need to lean in to catch what I am saying. It is as if I didn't want to draw any attention to myself by speaking loudly.
Yet I know some introverts who can be loud especially if they are excited about something. They can be passionate and talk your ear off if given a chance,
Introverts are Timid
Introverts are often accused of overanalyzing and slow to act on a situation. Often they want to
I may hesitate and stop before doing something as I never had that YOLO attitude. I prefer to be on the side of caution rather than regret things. Well except in food I am willing to try to eat anything once which means I have nearly eaten everything that grows, walks, run, fly. swim and crawled. Anything except Avocados you can keep that.
Introverts are Anti-social and Loners
One of the biggest misconceptions about Introverts is being anti-social and hate being around people. I don't think this is true as I enjoy being in the company of people at times especially pretty women!
We are thought to be unable to be around groups of people and prefer solitude. While I can work alone on some projects, I often work best with a team who compliments my strength and weaknesses. Being of the support class often I am able to enhance and make other people look good and highlight their strengths.
Because we tend to rationalize and analyze things through we work well in looking at the overview of projects and make adjustments as needed.
Think of it in a war. You have your warrior-generals and you have your strategiest-generals. Both are important as one is out there improving morale or mowing down enemies while one creates the tactics and enable strategies to make it favorable to those on the frontlines.
Introverts hate public speaking or even talking in general
While extroverts revel in the attention, introverts tendency don't like being in the limelight. It's not that we don't want to be acknowledged if we do well but we just have a different motivation. What could be more public than asking to speak before a crowd.
One part of my job in HR is talking about HR updates and events. I get nervous but I usually prepare a list of talking points and talk and engage the audience. If I am not engaging might as well just send them an email right. It was not easy but I learned the skill because it was necessary.
I'm a man of few words speaking and often just listen and observe other people but I give my insights if needed or asked and if I get excited on a topic I can talk all day long. Especially if it is about video games, Manga, Anime, food or any geeky stuff!
Introverts generally are better in writing as compared to speaking because it gives them time to arrange their thoughts and compose how they want to say it.
I remember being asked by @sircork or @shadowspub in Steem Star Network and in Steemit Ramble for Pimp your post Thursdays and I have managed to talk twice already and was able to present well enough but as I said I let my fingers do my talking better.
Oh, I also talked while co-hosting the Live Curation show in the Promo-mentors last Thursday as well so I can talk if I want to.
Introverts hates parties and often look uncomfortable in a crowd
In my younger days, I like going to clubs, dancing the night away and maybe even hooking up with someone. Nothing like a little liquid courage to get you talking!
Nowadays I like spending my weekends curled up in my bed reading a book, watching Netflix and usually doing Steemit but I still go out with friends from time to time.
In parties, although I am not the center of attention I don't have that feeling of wanting to get out as soon as I step in or spend most of my time on my phone unlike what they usually portray in movies and shoes about socially awkward introvert guys. Maybe its because I go to parties I know people and generally enjoy their company. That I can be myself with them and not have any pretensions.
Although at times I have moods that I don't want to dress up and prefer to just laze around the house in my boxers reading or watching something good. I like my quiet moments as well.
Introverts are terrible leaders and can't be in a team
Society has this view that introverts are usually those brooding artistic types locked away in their studio or in an isolated cabin in the woods typing away their latest manuscripts or as coders without a social life and don't get out of the house. The bottom line is they are said to usually work alone.
So they cannot function in a team and most certainly not become a great leader. A leader is said to be able to motivate and move people to do things. They must have the charisma and be able to sell ice to Eskimos. They are able to lead and if need be come off as a strong Alpha figure to boss around people.
Entirely FALSE! Although I wouldn't say I am the best leader but I often get a lot of good compliments from people that I help guide. Even years after we last talk some people still remember me fondly as they recount how I champion them and gave them a chance when none would.
Being an introvert leader means I usually do more listening than bossing people around. I take the time to build relationships and understand people's motivation, strength, and weaknesses. Most important of all I don't see people as competition and try to put them down before they become a threat. My motto which I share with Simon Sinek is Together is better.
I've seen a lot of managers have this superiority complex that they cannot be talked to, approached or mingle with the rank and file. Although this is not limited to extroverts as there are some introverts who act like that as well.
Introverts do not have fun and are sad people
This is just a matter of the definition of fun for people. Some people have fun by traveling, meeting new people and having experiences. Some people have fun by staying at home and reading a good book and getting lost in their imagination.
Some are adrenaline junkies climbing that rocky cliff. Some like finishing a painting on a warm, sunny day while looking out their window.
It is a matter of what is fun for a person and both personalities experience happiness, sadness, anger, depression, love, and loneliness.
No one personality can be said to be happier than the other.
In the office, I am often mistaken to not have any humor and when I pull a prank on someone they are really astonished and cannot believe I can do that. I like jokes and pranks especially if I am the one pulling it off.
Introverts needs help in becoming more out-going
"Hijo (child) you should be more out-going and have fun."
How many times have I heard this from relatives. That I should be like my younger brother more who has an easy and infectious laugh and is often telling stories to amuse people. While I remain stoic face most of the time. If I was a woman I would have been told that I am perpetually in resting bitch face mode.
They would always tell my Matriarch to enroll me in personality training from Robert Powers Personality Development. As if being an introvert is wrong and should be fixed.
I am quite happy with who I am and the personality that I have. I like seeing myself as the "Quiet one", the person who laughs at jokes, the wallflower who silently listens and gives advice, the support class hero who always have a nice word to say.
That is who I am.
I must say I am doing pretty well in life. In Steemit I can't complain as I see myself as a community builder and engager. I see myself as a person always ready to lend a hand and leave a nice comment.
Even in Steemit, we see introverts who are successful and able to harness their creativity, passions and even become more involved because it is often the Introverts who are the best mentors.
I've managed to rise in reputation and SP through hard work and being a fully engaged member of the whole Steemit community. I've taken the title of being a sugar redfish always willing to send some love through comments and upvotes.
Not bad for an introvert right?
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Apparently, introverts can be extroverts when they want to be, they just like the choice, while extroverts can be introverts when they want, too.
When I was growing up, I was the classic stereotypical introvert. I did not go out, I did not go to parties, I wasn't all that great in a group, had a hard time with speaking in front of a room filled of people, and if I had a cabin, I would have locked myself away in it while I wrote.
Time, though, has a way of changing a person, as well as the experiences that we have along the way.
I realize there are many people who are and continue to be more introverted than I ever was, shunning human contact and even daylight. There, we might be talking more than being an introvert, but I'm saying that there will always be someone who is more or less this way or that.
I served a full-time Spanish-speaking church mission in Southern California where I ran into every nationality throughout Latin America. Because of their cultures, most of the folks I came across were extroverts. I struggled with that for a long time, but about halfway through, when the language started clicking, things started turning around for me, too.
Since you're basically meeting new people all the time, needing to speak to them about what you have to share, I had to come out of the shell, and just do it. By the end of it, the experience was the best two years of my life to that point, and I've never been the same.
I probably would have reverted to the shell, living at home and slowly getting into the dating scene, but I ended up back down in Southern California with a new forward thinking attitude and a determination to move into the next stage in life, which for me was getting married.
So, I ended up getting married to a young lady originally from Mexico, who turned out to be the Queen of the Extroverts.
She's mellowed a little over the years, but she can still walk up to perfect strangers and act like she's known them all their lives and leave them wishing she were their aunt or sister.
Me, I don't mind standing behind her, nodding at times, giving my two cents when there's a lull, but primarily taking the backseat because I'd probably rather be sitting at the computer or watching a movie or bowling by myself than meeting new people.
And, as you said, it's okay. It's who I am.
Awww Glen (I hope its ok if I call you Glen) you sharing that story about your introverted life and how you manage to become more comfortable with yourself is just amazing!
I love how you talked about your early years and just wanting to be alone. I appreciated the details of your time in Southern California and the romance and love that you found there.
How I relate to you on being with a Queen of Extroverts as one of the people I love is such a person. She can talk anyone's ear off and I just nod and support her haha.
I have seen your comments all over Steem and would like to see if you would be interested in being a scout for my community. We are also look for authors for our newsletter and I think you might be a good fit for that as well!
You have been scouted by @promo-mentors. We are always on the look out for promising authors.
I would like to invite you to our discord group https://discord.gg/vDPAFqb.
When you are there send me a message if you get lost! (My Discord name is the same as the one here)
I'm glad I could contribute to your post. Obviously, being an introvert is something I know a little about. :)
I'm not sure why this works out, but opposites attract, and I'm sure in the design of the grand plan it's meant to bring parity and balance to each of us. I'm much more of an outgoing now because of my wife, and she's much more grumpy and cynical because of me! Okay, just kidding. Sort of. :)
This is the second invitation to join a group I've received in the last 24 hours. :)
I'll promise to do with your community what I promised to do with the first one—I'll take a look and go from there. Thank you for the invitation. It's nice to be considered promising. :)
Oh, and of course, you can call me Glen.
@maverickinvictus, yeah, I'm also an introvert, but I have no problems talking with people I don't know. Job helped me with that.
I know a lot of introverts know how to adapt and make use of their strengths and be able to do stuff that other people think introverts can't do .
I'm proof that I can excel in a career mostly dominated by extroverts.
Ehem! Introverts are indeed awesome 😊 Introverts have amazing listening skills and I hear you, @maverickinvictus ☺ One love!
Thank you so much fellow introvert! I am so happy to see so many respond to this post :)
Hello, fellow introvert! Thanks for sharing about our quiet strength.
Ha! and I love your piece as well and the idea of a Discord community for Introverts I wonder how that will be but most likely it will be very chill.
Thanks Mave for sharing your thoughts as an introvert.
I guess I never really associate you as one because you always exude confidence (in a good way) and very outgoing on the communities here on Steemit.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts and i'm learning more about you each and every day. ^^
Yeah I'm so different in Steem and have been an engager and community builder here but at times I get tired and need to be alone with my thoughts.
We all need to. It's nice to be alone and be able to reflect and relax.
I love that article Mav! What you say is so true!
Especially when you said "Later on, I hid amongst books and video games, choosing to disappear into the realm of imagination and wonder", it really hit home, you described me as a kid and even now.
I also consider myself an introvert, despite what you may see. I can fake it pretty well, but I am not comfortable in crowds of people I don't know. That's why the Steemit chat was not for me, I can't just start a conversation with people that already have inside jokes etc. If @futurethinker hadn't invited me to the promo-mentor group, I would probably have abandoned Steemit oor Discord chat groups all together.
When I need to go to a conference for work and need to network at a cocktail party, that's my definition of a nightmare. But I am good at sales, and if you put me to pitch something to a client, I'll excel at it. Also in private life, I much prefer small groups of close friends, or even better, one on one. Public speaking is horror for me, although again I can fake it pretty well. My idea of a fun day is a day when I don't see anyone, being at home with my dog and a good movie, or a one on one dinner with a friend. These days I only go out to practice BJJ, and then back to my cocoon. Today I have a b-day party to attend with loads of people and I'm already dreading it because I always feel like I'm not fitting in.
I'm glad you shared this, and thanks again for hosting the show with me =)
It was my pleasure Eve! And i got to talk because I didn't want you to do all the talking I would be a terrible co host if I would leave you hanging ahahha.
I would never guessed because of all the videos you shared you look so comfortable and highly capable.
Yeah I know the feeling of making a pitch and presenting the quarterly business review in front of other department heads. I feel a rush when I present well but have to work my ass off to be ready and I often practice with my talking points.
Yeah you are a sugar reddish bro and you made only like three sentences in curation on PYPT... @shadowspub nearly sang. 😂
I totally agree with you that I would rather write than speak. I have dropped positions because they demanded standing and speaking before a crowd. It's one of the reasons why I quit teaching.
But the more familiar I am with a group, the relaxed i become.
There are so many points you mentioned that fits me to a tee. 😂 So I am an introvert after all, oh well... Back to The Moonstone 🏃
Hahha back to the book. Speaking before a crowd was such a challenge to me before and I dreaded it until I saw how much good I can do by having my voice heard. I could champion causes that I care about.
But still better in writing I agree hahaha so if there is a chance I can write something then I do that haha
Yeah definitely not bad for an introvert! And thank you for being our sugar redfish, always! :D
As for me, I categorize myself as an ambivert. I'd like to think I have a good balance of both personalities.
I was thinking I am an ambivert as well but my natural instincts still leaned towards being an introvert.
We all have our strengths and weaknesses and think we are a mixture of the two prime personalities as needed.
Steemit is AWESOME for introverts, we can be much more visible while staying on the couch :D
I'm an introvert too although I'm also very sociable, just can't do it all days of the week ;-)
There's this one truth about introverts: we can very much look forward to a social event, but then, when it's for whatever reason canceled last-minute, we're both disappointed AND excited, because: "YAY, more time with me!"
It's one of the things I wanted to blog about at least, I guess you might recognise it :-)
Anyway, many misconceptions about introverts, but basically we're awesome, and being a good listener is an underestimated skill we are masters of :-)
Indeed I know that feeling of looking forward to going out with very close friends band when it doesn't push through we are ok because more time to spend home!!
I agree that our listening skills is a huge skill that makes us great people to have!
I've always wanted to tackle this topic and it was brought by a conversation with a fellow introvert.
Definitely not bad for an introvert!
If considering the online test of Myer Briggs online I am under the ISTP type and I would say that those points are true and reflect somehow my personality.
The crowd's conception on Introverts as lonely/ anti-social folks are annoying sometimes.
Like you Steemit has been a great way to unleash the inner creativity that we are storing and somehow our voice is heard through chats and messages ( in person I doubt if I can do the crazy things that I did even hosting)
I tremble in public speaking and most of the times "pumipiyok" don't know the English term of it haha. So rather than me facing the crowd or other avenue I'd rather keep my words into writing.
But being alone with yourself reflecting on things is really the best thing that we enjoy we can think of a lot of stuff without any distraction from others.
Thanks man for this shared content! Will it be safe for me to say that we are "online extroverts?" hahahha
I took the same test and I am an INFP Mediator which is my job hahahha.
I think you are doing very well and yes we are indeed Online Extroverts who are building communities and relationships in this platform.