To Embrace Your Self
-Have you ever noticed seasons? They all have a purpose, and they all have beauty... and at the same time, they all serve a greater purpose and a greater beauty.-
For long time I have feared those moments when I feel like "I'm gonna lose it", when something unsettles me to the point that my straps may come off and they see how I "really" am. I breathe, look around, sometimes even smile to hold in what I am feeling: "I don't want you to see me", I think.
As a child, I experienced rejection; as an adult, too. None if it has killed me, I see now, but it is a feeling I do run away from, it is a pain I don't want to suffer. So, knowingly and unknowingly, I have devoted myself to cover, model, daub, and camouflage parts of me I don't want anyone to see, so that they don't leave me.
"If you see how I 'really' am, you are going to leave", I thought. Do I see myself? Do I give myself the time and space to really let me be? Do I allow myself freedom to cultivate who I am? And, if what I see now is not the prettiest, do I tend to abandon or do I stay? Do I make myself company? Do I embrace my self? And by embracing, I do not mean embracing my strenghts, my springs, what went or turned out right... by embracing my self I mean embracing my whole, embrace me, really; even when I feel as a disaster, when everything bothers me; even if there are unfinished parts, if there are many I-screwed-ups accompanied by many agains... Because all that is not what I "really' am, not even the good in me is how I "really" am... Because I am the whole four seasons, because without a cold winter, there is no fruitful spring; because even the fact that my leaves fall, helps me nourish my self, helps me live my self, helps me inhabit my self. It is in this, in all this, where I feel myself being.
Whoever may like it: "Welcome to this coincidence". Whoever may not: "Keep on going your way". I don't have to cover myself, I don't have to restrain myself; and the freer the better I breathe.
Original post and photo by @maruberroteran