Should parents hit their children as a way to discipline the child?

View this answer on Musing.io

People who think you need to hit a child to teach them are bad at teaching children.

If the child is so young that they cannot understand reasoning then they will not understand the reason they are being hit. They just know that whoever is hitting them is hurting them.

If the child is old enough to understand reason then reasoning should be used.

Where most parents fail is that they simply aren't consistent with their teaching. They aren't consistent with setting boundaries. It doesn't take a child long to realize that their parents aren't following through with their threats, and when they no longer respect your word they wont respect your reasoning.

Let me give you an example. Over the years I have taught thousands of children and this has given me a great opportunity to observe the difference in parenting methods from a hands on position.

Example: A young child runs into the shop at our gym and starts to demand a treat from the snacks. Their mother said no but the kid kept demanding. "You can't have anything now because your class is in a few minutes", "BUT I WANT IT NOW!". It went back and forth for about 2 minutes before the mother gave in and bought a packet of crisps.

For this family this was clearly the norm and the child had simply learnt that arguing gets what they want.

Should the mother now strike her child? Or should she have set boundaries earlier on?

She can still set those boundaries. The child will argue, and inevitably be upset, but they will learn.

It could have gone something like this;

"You can't have anything now because your class is in a few minutes", 

"BUT I WANT IT NOW!"

"That's not how you speak to people, you are not allowed to speak to me or anyone else like that. If you carry on I'll take you outside."

So now there reaches a turning point, if the child argues, take them outside, don't let them even go to the class they enjoy. Or give in and let the child know you were bluffing and they don't have to worry about this or future threats.

What if she hits the child. The child will be upset and at some point they will stop, nobody likes to be hurt.

But what is the child learning? They are learning a few things actually, not just to listen. They are also learning that it's absolutely fine to use violence to get what they want. They are learning that someone who they are supposed to trust is capable of physically harming them.

You know what studies on children that are spanked have found? Young children have no idea why they are being hit. They don't make the connection. All they know is that mummy or daddy hits them sometimes.

I think we shouldn't have a society that says it's OK for grown adults to strike children. I think we should have better communication.