What does it really mean to love?

Today, replacing the article, we have a fragment from a book that talks about a theme that interests everyone, namely love. There are some essential things about love, which would be good to know by anyone who "loves." So as follows:

"Unconditional love,
As I see it, is what
Manifests a being who has no Ego.

You truly love when you no longer identify with a particular person,
When you no longer believe that you have a body and a certain personality.

In other words, when you moved your sense of identity from Self to self.
It is what occurs spontaneously when the mind is calm and balanced,
When the sense of separation disappears, being replaced by a sense of unity
Quite difficult to describe, as it transcends the ridiculously limited possibilities of my vocabulary.

Do you know the criterion after which true love can be recognized?

It's BUCURIE

When you really love you are happy.
You feel fulfilled and you do not need anything.

First of all, you do not need to receive anything in return for your love.

Do you understand what I mean?

You do not need someone to love you!
You DO NOT love to exchange the love of the other.

Love you because loving is something that makes you happy.

Real love exists only when you no longer need another man.

You do not need the other to appreciate you, to praise you, to give you his time,
To make you experience multiple orgasms or to make your daily meals.

This is not love.

It is a type of affection interested, a kind of positive feelings
For people who help you meet your personal needs and wants.

In a non-elegant or diplomatic expression, you do not love people.

You use them to meet your needs.

We can call this "love" if we agree to love without waiting
Nothing in return is something that can not be part of reality.
It seems to me that things are right.

To love unconditionally is an expression of reality,
While any other form of "love" is illusory.

Reality, Self, Love, Consciousness, God, Happiness

• these are fingers pointing to something that in fact can not be contained in words,
  But it can be felt, experienced, lived plenary.

When you love to be loved or love when you are loved,
I can only admit with great tolerance that this is love.

But this would only be a way of stealing our own hat.

It's as if someone living in the plain is climbing at some point
On a mound and he is convinced that he knows what a mountain is.

Interested love, that is, mixed with personal needs,
Without realizing, stir the other's freedom.

If I need anything from you to be happy,
If my happiness depends on you, I will manipulate you, often unconsciously.

Whenever manipulation grows, liberty decreases.

The couple relationships that I'm going to analyze in my job,
Are full of manipulations and counter-manipulations, unconscious strings to get the affection,
The care or money of the other and the frustrations of the failure of these efforts.

Real love gives and forgets.

He does not have a notebook in which he writes:

"Today I brought her flowers. What brought me? "
or
"She's been wearing his socks and intimate lingerie for six months."

The love that demands transforms into a prison with transparent walls.
An incredible number of people think they are free only because they are
The walls of the prison in which they live are invisible.

Have you ever experienced this experience?

Give something with joy, without waiting for anything in return.
It is a great experience. I do not know if he has a term to compare.

Careful! I'm not referring to the situation in which you offered something without asking for anything in return,
And in your "gift" there was no enthusiasm.

On the contrary, deep in your soul, there was resentment, tension, the feeling of being bound.
We can not talk about gifts in this case.
You, the real one, would not have done this, just that you could not resist.

Between to offer the place on the bus with joy, that is, from a sense of debt
There is the same difference between a lion and a cat.
Both are feline, but only one is the king of animals.

Real love has an aristocratic quality in the highest sense of this word.

It manifests itself in actions that spring from overflow,
Of abundance or excess, unlike love in its current sense,
Which is activated by need, ie lack or deficit.

A controversial spiritual master said the world is full of beggars,
People who love their love for each other.

They feel disappointed and frustrated,
Because no beggar can make happy another beggar,
As for the emperors, there is no danger of overpopulation.

To be like a king, you must first know your Self,
An effort quite busy when you are caught in the nets of this world.

Love as a gift can be better understood, being a more pervasive phenomenon
It's exotic if we study his omnipresent counterpart.
I'm referring to hacking or hanging on ...

These attitudes are against life, and this elemental truth
We are constantly shown by breathing.
If you cling to the air of the plumes and you do not let it go, you will soon die.
To live it is necessary to give it the atmosphere, not to keep it just for you.
It's vital to take it out of you, let it go.
Receive and give, receive and offer - is a balance.

What is so simple on the physical level becomes suddenly complicated at the level of the soul.
There you are happy to receive, but you have great hesitation in offering.
You get sickness. You store it.

In another case, you do not receive anything and, rightly, you ask yourself:

"But why should I offer? What, I'm worse? "

Both variants stop the circuit of love.
The result is the emotional imbalance.
You become frustrated and unhappy, even if you wrap these on the surface
Deep feelings of self-esteem or lack of care.

Whoever has a penetrating glance sees beyond the shiny packaging.
It is crucial that the energy of love flows, otherwise you feel heavy, heavy.
Within any human being is the Self that is nothing but love.
And wisdom, not to be a partisan.

If the loving energy of the Self is not expressed, if it is blocked,
She turns against you.

In psychotherapy there is the opinion that many disorders are due to unexpressed aggression.
I believe that a series of pathologies are based on unexpressed love.
Being stuck inside of you, energy changes its poles.

What was beneficial and creative becomes,
By steadfast, evil and destructive repression.

That's why I remain optimistic about the devil.
One day, someone will change its poles.
Hanging from the other

The act of hooking up, instead of giving, deserves a closer look.
It is based on the identification with the Ego, the intense living that you are a separate being,
In a strange and indifferent universe, if not hostile.

The illusion of the Ego has as a consequence the limitation of the ability to love.

In short: when the Ego appears, love disappears.

Where there are still personal needs, where you still long
After something outside, unconditional love can NOT be born.

Do not be fooled by saying that it's love when you tell her
Your friend: "I love you so much. I can not live without you".

This is not love but fear.
You cling to him because you do not know how to be happy without him.

There is no love even when you tell your wife:
"My heart is wounded when you take a meal in town with another man."
It's possessiveness.

And it is not love even when a parent suffers for his child
Who is permanently moving to another city. It's addicted.

How many times do you think you suffer from love, so many times
You are not connected to reality.

It's more frugal for your self-image to think of it
The basis of your suffering is love when it is actually egocentrism.

Or, not to sound so tough, to tell him the identification with the Ego.

From love you can not suffer, just as you can not fall up.
Love is happiness. Real love.

If you suffer, it is a wonderful, clear criterion by which you are informed that YOU HAVE NOT LOVED.
What you call love was nothing but hanging, attachment, dependence, possessiveness.

I know it does not sound nice or romantic at all.
For me this is a psychological truth, I strongly recommend it.

Love the truth and heal you with illusions. You will come to life.
Not in the reality of which he does not cease speaking pragmatists,
Which is nothing more than a species of illusion.

But in reality, which is nothing but endless joy.
Self is the main obstacle to love.

Without Me, love flows unbounded like a river
Who graciously finds his way to the ocean.

Being without me does not mean being a lunatic or a psychopath, but being undivided.
Be unified. Being one, that is, the Self.

It's not that simple because of the incredible social conditioning
To which we are subjected. This conditioning starts from birth.

The growth and education of a child is nothing more than a long series of conditioning,
Some more primitive, some more subtle.

Many conditioners already exist in language (I've analyzed this in another book, but I do not know which).

Supreme conditioning is the belief that you are a particular person,
An independent agent who feels, thinks and acts.

It's not like that. You are not someone who is, for example, disappointed
Because your partner forgot about the anniversary of your marriage.
If you are careful, you can realize that disappointment is something you are conscious of.

You are not disappointing. Do not identify with her.
Rather, you can say "There is disappointment,"
But there is no one to be the subject of disappointment.

This means there is no Eu.
There is disappointment that will pass if you do not try to fight it.

And then, who are you?

You are the background of disappointment.

If you identify yourself less with it and stay more at yourself,
You could discover that your nature is happiness.

All states, thoughts or actions appear in you, but you are not one of them.
You're beyond. And because you're beyond, you can not be an object of knowledge for anyone.

In this sense you are naked or empty.
You are not someone, you can not be seen in contrast to anyone.
You are unified and without edges, without any cracks.
When you get to this point it is impossible to confuse
Love with desire, safety or pleasure.

It's like you were the Sun.
In no way can you confuse the light with the darkness.
Darkness exists only where your light does not enter.
If you are covered by a dense cloud, the light keeps you accessible.
But for someone on Earth, your light seems to have disappeared.
Then the cloud passes and you reappear. But you have never disappeared!
Everything was an illusion.

Creation is this game of lights and shadows, refined, amplified and endlessly enriched.
Two people who want one another can think they love each other.

No no no. They just want!

Desire is NOT love.

Desire means "I want something from you."
I want you to be beside me, I want you to protect me, I want to penetrate you,
I want you to be the mother of my children, I want to comfort you, I want you to listen to me,
I want you to meet, I want you to admire me.

Who wants all this stuff?

Here is the Ego!

And then, true love excludes desire?
It does not exclude it, it integrates it.

I love you and I would like to comfort you.
I would love to express my love in this way.

If you do not want to be comforted or if you want to be comforted by another man,
there is no problem. My love for you remains the same.

I do not start to love you less or even to hate you for that
You prefer touching another man.

"I'm crazy about you. Since we've seen you, we knew we were doing each other. "

Real love? At all.
Passionate love, hormone explosion? Surely.

"You are awesome. You do not look like any of my former partners. "

I do not ask because you know the answer.
Love is confused with desire or need.

"I love you" in translation often means "I need you".
A practice license should be withdrawn.

For love, the correct translation is: "I have something to offer you. Free."

By learning to live in honesty, to take things as they are,
To admit that for now I do not love you, but I just need you,
I will surely come and love you.

Otherwise, convincing me that I already love you, it's as if I think I escalated Everest,
When they are actually only in the first camp.

Unconditional love seems to me to be the Everest of this life,
And to experience it and express it in your life seems to me to not bear
No comparison, with any kind of social, financial,
Professional, athletic or other in this world.

It seems to me to be useless to gather a fabulous fortune, to speak all
The world, some with envy, about your successes, or have power over others
If you are not able to unconditionally love another man.

And if you manage to love without another expectation another man, I am convinced that others will follow.
I think the turning point here is: really love a man.
The first step is the hardest. That's how the 1000-mile journey begins.

Another classic confusion is between love and jealousy.
Love can not be jealous, just as the heat can not be cold.

Jealousy clearly indicates not the presence of love, but the presence of the Ego.
The ego feels hurt, humiliated, restless.

Why?

The woman you claim to love is tender with another man.
He holds his hand, looks at him with affection. You see this and more that fails.

Big love, is not it?
It's not. Jealousy.

What is the mechanism?

Why are you suffering? Why do not you support that?

Because you're afraid!

If you acknowledge that, you have to be an honest guy, in front of whom I'm inclined.
If not ... But why are you afraid? There are more answers.

1. You are afraid of loneliness. She will prefer the other and will leave you.
   You will remain alone and you do not have enough confidence in yourself. You do not think you'll handle it.
   Therefore, on an unconscious level, you are self-serving a child who needs a mother.
   This mother is the woman you "love" and you are afraid of abandoning you.

2. Do not be afraid of loneliness. You know you're gonna make a face.
   You're afraid of your own sense of inferiority.
   If he prefers the other, he means the other is better than you.
   So you are inferior. You are weak. It's terrible to feel that.
   Comparison demonstrator has mastered you.

3. Do not be afraid of loneliness and you have no inferiority complex on the masculinity line.
   You're afraid you do not have anyone to sit with.
   You were happy not because you loved her, but because you owned it.
   Possession means control. Control means power.
   She is tender with another man and you can not control that. Terrible!
   You suffer because you see that she feels good with someone else. Unbelievable.
   She can be happy with someone else.

What this means?

It means you are not exclusive.
I mean you do not have a special value.

You realize, here we are on a problem of self-deception and self-esteem.
If you were sure of your value, you would not need any exclusivity.

In the therapeutic groups that this problem is often caused,
When I launch the following terrible question:

"Would you agree that your partner / partner spend one night with someone else?"

Frequently Asked Answer: No.

Why?

Because they want sexual exclusivity.

"Come on, hold somebody else, even kiss, go, go to sex!"

In other words, my love for you is enormous as long as you do not have sex with someone else.

Naive question: If you love her, why do not you enjoy her joy?
Why do not you enjoy another man making him happy, even erotic?
Why do you suffer when he feels good with another woman?
What is the connection between your suffering and the joy she feels with someone else?

No connection. You are suffering alone.

Your suffering comes from your unresolved problems,
Which this particular situation brings them to light.

It is like a disease you had in yourself in a latent state. Now you know about her.
This disease is called jealousy. It does not come out of love.
On the contrary. Love is the remedy.

Some have told me that in such situations, the absence of jealousy in their partners would
Be a sign that they do not care. It's not like that. The sign that he does not care about you is not
The absence of jealousy, but the absence of joy.

If he says he loves you but does not enjoy being satisfied,
This is a strong clue. She does not care about you, but about him.

Ego, remember?

Only the Self can enjoy for the other,
Because the Self recognizes itself in the other.

The ego can not get out of its own shell.
The self is a contraction, while the Self is an expansion.

There is a perspective from which we can understand why true love
Is taken as something other than is and why the so-called "suffering of love" appears.

It is the confusion between purpose and middle.
Confusion means confusion, imprecision, blur, obscurity.
In other words, maya, the power of illusion.

Suppose your goal is to feel satisfied.
One way to achieve this goal is to play tennis at the BNR Arenas.
As long as you have a game partner, rocket, balls and a playground available, you reach your goal.
You come home tired but satisfied. The means of fulfilling your desire is the tennis game.
Keep this in mind: tennis is not the goal but the middle.

Let me introduce you something. Your gaming partner can not come anymore.
He is sick or has to go to the delegation or wants to play with someone else.

What is happening with you?

You start to suffer. You think you have a cursed destiny.
You're thinking about suicide, you're making a psychological appointment.
Here's the confusion!

Your goal has become to play tennis with somebody.
You forgot? That was just the middle. Your goal was to rejoice.
You need some clarity. And flexibility!

Tennis is not the only means you can use to live the joy.
Surely there are others. You seek to become aware of them.
You could enjoy playing table tennis, basketball, volleyball, chess or any other sport.
Maybe your inclinations are not reduced to sports.
There are dozens, if not hundreds of activities that you can engage in.
Let's admit you do not have that opening.

You definitely want to play tennis. O.K.
But why do you get hold of wanting to play with somebody?

There are thousands of other passionate tennis players.
Your goal is to enjoy, playing tennis.
If you insist on playing with somebody, temporarily unavailable or uninterested, you mistaken the goal with the middle.

Your new goal has become to play tennis with a certain man.
You forgot about your true purpose. You got into the illusion.
If the person you want as a game partner does not want you in turn
Or refuses you for objective reasons, and you are not flexible enough for
To look for a new partner, everything you succeed will be suffering without any sense.

Confusion between middle and goal leads to unnecessary suffering, while
Careful discrimination between them leads to satisfaction and fulfillment, not necessarily effortless.

Just effort is useful and integrated into satisfaction. In love, things are pretty much the same.

Your goal is to love, and the means you have are, I hope, varied:
To protect, to comfort, to comfort, to feed, to care, to appreciate, to respect, to communicate,
To laugh, to be careful, to encourage, to stimulate, to forgive, to calm, to advise, to mobilize, to trust, etc.

Let's see what happens in real life. You love and want to protect your partner.
When you leave home, make sure she's well dressed. You do not want to suffer from cold.

You're making it to your family doctor. You want her to be healthy.
You do not agree to paragliding. It's a risky sport, you know that very well.
You do not agree to go to sea with her best friend.
Two single women, in full season, who knows what can happen.
You just want to protect her!

When you're surprised!

It begins to reject your attempts to protect it.
You can not believe it. You feel he rejects your love. Confusion!
It merely rejects an inappropriate way in which you express your love.
But you do not realize that. Suffer.

You mistaken the goal with the middle.

Your goal has become protection, and the type of protection you provide is not acceptable.
Great tragedy. Things are so simple! Love is the goal, protection is a means.

Ask her if she wants to be protected.
If he wants to, find out how he wants to be protected and see if you can offer that type of protection.
That is all. If you do not want to be protected and you want to reach your goal, to express your love, look for another means!

Come on, a little flexibility. Maybe you need to appreciate it, recognize its qualities,
To admire his body and clothes. Do that and reach your goal!

Maybe you do not know how to express your appreciation.
Maybe you're a more critical one and you can see the flaws more easily.
My dear, this is entirely your problem.

It prevents you from expressing the love you feel.
In other words, you do not suffer because you love it,
But because you have some unresolved issues that prevent you from expressing your love.

Let me give you another example: your goal is to love.
Your favorite medium is to stimulate it tactilely, to touch its body easily,
To embrace her and to make love to her. Many women are mad after that.

Only your partner ... refuses long contact, does not like light comforters, wants more dynamism.

In more special situations, she no longer feels an intense erotic desire or is temporarily attracted to someone else.

Can you guess how you feel?
You are suffering great.

By love, is not it?

Well, you suffer, but not out of love.
Real love is never problematic.
It does not cause suffering.

Real love is joy, fulfillment, pleasure, freedom, never torment.

If you suffer, you suffer not from love, but from ignorance.
You do not distinguish between middle and goal. This is optimistic.
Because in the pessimistic version there is no love in you.

Just the desire to possess or dominate, the need to use someone else's body as an object.

Let's get back. Suppose you really love your partner.
What will you do? First of all, you will respect the option.

She has a time when she is not too erotic or sexually oriented towards another man.
Maybe he wants to experiment, maybe he wants a little out of his routine, who knows?

Accept.

You did not know?

A splendid way to manifest your love for another man is to respect his freedom of choice.
It is a real test in any kind of relationship (of couple, of friendship, of parent-filial).

What gives you the power to respect its options?

The love you feel.

If there is not enough love within you, do you know what you are going to do?
You interfere with her options, trying to change them.

I refer here to manipulation, blackmail, coercion, threat.

You have the right to tell him how you see things.
It is not interference in her decisions. It's just communication.
In another case, you respect your decision. Do not get stuck, as they say.

But if you suffer, it is the sign that you did not really love it.
I'll repeat this until you throw this fucking book in a corner.

There is no suffering where there is unconditional love!

Suffering appears not because love exists, but because love DOES NOT exist.
What is there is hanging, attachment, domination, jealousy, control, addiction, fear.
In fewer words: identifying with the Ego. True love exists where the Self has been revealed.

In my opinion, you can not love another person if at first you do not love yourself,
And to love yourself is not to love your Ego.
It is but selfishness, to love is to know and manifest the Self,
The inner core of your being.

But even by saying this, I do not feel I have expressed myself correctly.
Rather, it's a way of getting you out of the way of love.

Self, love - these are synonyms. In fact, you do nothing.

Just stop being an obstacle.

In a certain sense, you are disappearing, that is, stopping to think that you are a certain individual capable of loving someone.

You can not truly love anyone.
But you can let love flow through you, turn to a man,
Maybe two or even a collectivity, if its power is great.

Even in this assertion it is a fool. Love flows but not to somebody.
Someone happens to be in her direction. It's something like a flower's perfume.

It did not bloom for a certain person, it does not follow certain people to claim them "Smell me!".

She just spreads her scent. Someone can be around and enjoy. Good luck.
But the joy of the flower does not depend on the existence of this person
Or the existence of these people, if it is a group.

The flower enjoys its own perfume, the fact that it can spread around it.

That's how it is with love. Love is the fragrance of your being.
And it is manifested in one case: when you have flourished.
That's why I think love and meditation are intimately connected.
They are aspects of the same phenomenon, such as the mountain and the valley.
Where there is a mountain there is a valley. Likewise, love does not exist without meditation.

And when I say meditation I do not refer to those often tortuous practices,
Who ask you to keep your mind focused in one point, until you merge with the object of meditation.

I am referring to the art of doing nothing, that is to leave your Ego aside, just as you leave your feet (you do not ask for them) and sit on a comfortable chair.

From this point of view, I feel particularly close to Buddhism Zen, who understood the importance of being one with your own spontaneity, trusting with the flow of your experience, without trying to control it or to dominate.

The belief that you are a particular person, ie an Ego, divides the body, while giving up this erroneous idea unites it.

Thus, to meditate means to let things happen, emotions to appear,
The thoughts flow, the actions unfold, without even thinking that you are their agent.

No matter how paradoxical it sounds, you are barely when you are not, and do it all when you do nothing.
You are the Self. You meditate when you see that your eyes see for themselves, that your ears hear of themselves
And that the legs go by themselves, not having to move them with their hands.

If you are a little more careful you can understand that everything, in fact, happens from the Self,
Except when you do not believe that and you try to intervene,
Disturbing the natural (or divine) order of things.

That's what I mean when I say that love flows by itself.

But to have this perception you need a meditative state,
That is, a wide and relaxed attention, spontaneous
To what draws it, without clinging to anything.

What prevents you from getting stuck is the understanding that there is nothing to cling to
And that there is no one to hang.

You are glad to smell the flower and do not try in vain to smell the nose.

People who do not love themselves live, of course, lacking in love,
A void that he tries to cover by entering into relationships where, otherwise, he is expected to be loved.
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The problem is that the other has a similar expectation.
There is no joy in the encounter of two deficits.
Instead, the claims, the irritation, the jealousy, the feeling of rejection,
Self-distrust, boredom, infidelity.

You can not offer what you do not have.

If you ask me 6 million, and I have 6 million to live from one month to another, be sure you will not receive it.
If I earned 60 million a month, I would give you 6 million with my heart.
But I do not win. In other words, they do not have so much energy to share it with you.
On the contrary, I would well get a "capital injection".

That's what happens in many relationships.
I love you, that is, I need you to cover my voids.
You love me the same way.

We're like two cars with half empty empty tanks,
Each dreaming of the other is a petrol station.

True love exists in abundant conditions.

There is so much love in you that it is vital to share it with someone.
You do not put any condition because you do not need any condition.
It's like you're a spring. Do not say "This slope is too steep" or "There is little vegetation here".

All you have to do is run. Your water will cut its own banks.
The other one is a receiver. He is open to you, receiving your love.
If he closes, you will flow to someone else.
You will not beg him, you will not fall on your knees: "Please let me love you."
You respect your decision and you see your life.

Real love offers freedom, because it is an expression not of necessity, but of giving.

Wherever liberty is restricted, unrepeatable or threatened, love is not pure. "

• Fragment extracted from the book "The Enlightenment Guide for Sleep" by Adrian Nuţă -