You were and are very brave. You will find a way to instill this bravery into your children. Teaching bravery is more difficult when we actually feel terrified but you will find a way.
I hope you see the bravery of the boy you were and of the man and father you are. You chose to stand for your brother who couldn't, you are choosing to stand now for those who can't, and you are clearly defining and facing your parenting challenges.
Keep being honest (a side trait of bravery) and you'll get through your parenting improvements and self-improvements.
A word of caution about being over protective. Being raised by an over protective mother and grandmother also filled me full of fears. It is the normal irony of the pendulum swinging between extremes.
It has taken generations of work to begin to overcome the damage that was done to my grandmother. I think it would have helped me to know the why instead of being left to believe her irrational fears were somehow just a normal part of who she was.
Until I was in my late 50s I thought that my grandmother's fearful pattern was a part of her DNA. Inherited and possibly my inheritance.
When I understood the why, it totally changed all my perspectives to realize I never knew who she should have been. At the same time, I found out that she had given me a few glimpses of who she should have been that she had not ever even told my mom.
I don't know that it would have changed my childhood, but I wonder how it would have changed my adulthood and even my relationship with her, if I had known she was deeply hurt and wounded.
So, stay honest because it gives your family and friends the ability to look for you, the real you. The real you that you even miss ;-)
I am brokenhearted this is your story and still the story of many today.
I'm praying for strength and healing for you and them and I am praying that they are discovered quickly by brave people who take action.
PS I am honored that you trusted us to know you so .... real. And I had another post disappear into the ethers. If it reappears just add magically, you know why ;-)
Wow, thank you so much. I am literally welling up reading this. It has been 37 years but feels as raw today as though it was yesterday. I hope that by putting it out there it will give me some relief and also help others to come to terms with the terrible things done to them. Thank you so much for your comment, it really means a lot. So sorry to hear of your past and hope you have healed. I pray you have
Well. It is tempting to brush it all aside and say, "Thank you. Sure, I'm fine." And by most standards I am. It is always a short trip to de-Nile (bad T-shirt joke. "I live by de Nile" over Egyption scene with the Nile River. It was an 80's thing)
It's tempting to ... but loss is loss and pain is pain and patterns are patterns ... Ultimately, we are all healing until the day we die. It is a daily decision to face forward.
Thank you for your prayers.
I totally understand what you mean. It's always there and always will be, however much we try to hide behind a mask of smiles. This post today was hopefully the first step on my path to letting it not rule the rest of my life.
One step at a time.
This is true. In time, though, more of the smiles become real and genuine out of genuine happiness. This I learned when my first marriage went all to shards.
You have made an excellent first step. Shame lives in the darkness and runs from the light. You're breaking bindings today!