A FISH OUTTA WATER...

"They're flopping around like fish out of water. It's embarrassing." -- Nick Boynton

Go West Young Man.., GO WEST!

Moving to Los Angeles from NYC can be quite the "culture shock…" It's like night and day -- in NYC (Hells Kitchen and Lower East Side) going to the beach means a trip to your over-heated blacktop roof, lovingly known as Tar Beach… Were not as tan, in-shape, or blonde.., here in NYC. Definitely don't smile as much as people in LA.., and we certainly don't drive EVERYWHERE!

(New York...)

These are just a few of the differences between these two uniquely dynamic cities, well one is a city.., LA is feels like a big suburb. Where the weather is the same -- everyday.., overcast in the morning that burns off by 11am, sunny and beautiful all day, but once that sun starts to go down, about 4pm, it starts to cool off -- fast. We don't use the word "gnarly" and rarely say "dude." And in New York you don't usually bump into Farrah Fawcett, Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Anniston while getting your morning coffee -- every morning!

From pavement, steel, brick and dirt… To mountains, beach, sunshine and pretty people -- is definitely a shock to the system. A lot of NY'ers have a difficult time.., adjusting… And many of them have a negative opinion of LA because of these differences (and maybe they don't believe all that smiling is quite that genuine -- botox). But i'll be honest, a lot of us NY'ers can have a "chip on shoulder" when we first land in.., the city of angels.

(Los Angeles…)

Was That Arnold Schwarzenegger...

When I got to Los Angeles -- Hollywood in the early 1990's.., I wasn't sure what to expect -- I had no freakin' idea! I had been thinking about getting out of New York.., and actually had a date to leave this City… But then a buddy of mine, who had moved to LA about a year earlier, to be the Pinball Wizard at the LaJolla Playhouse.

We kept in touch pretty regularly.., and then he called one night to tell me he was coming back to NYC for a visit and to get -- MARRIED! And he was marrying the original B'way Baby -- Lisa Mordente… During the original run of West Side Story in 1957.., b'way legend Chita Rivera met married dancer (now director) Tony Mordente. The London run of the show was postponed, due to the birth of their child (get it, she was conceived during the original run of West Side Story) -- my buddy's now soon to be bride.

*It was a strange wedding.., especially for a NY'er to experience, as one of the Best Men -- Yes I said one of.., for some reason there were to of us, the other being Chad Lowe (Rob's little brother). And the other strange thing was another b'way legend -- Liza Minnelli was the Maid of Honor -- she was a lot older than the bride -- and since Lisa (the bride) had been living in LA for awhile.., and they met while rehearsing the Rock Musical Tommy, most of the wedding party were actors, actresses, models, some form of entertainment gig.., from Hollywood.

But I was the "real" best man.., and they were all coming to my town!

They were all coming to NYC to open the Rock Opera, TOMMY.., by the WHO -- on BROADWAY. And of course the wedding. The first night I met these strange people from another land, was at a bar on W.46th St. I might not be a b'way star.., but that is MY neighborhood… This was a bar frequented by many of the actors, writers, producers of all those fabulous b'way shows we all go see.. and when I arrived the bartender "Jimmy" shouted to me -- "there's a bunch of people in the back waiting to meet you -- WTF is going on…" I headed to the back of the bar where all the pool tables were -- basically, the whole cast of the soon to open musical TOMMY were back there…

The Wizard of OZ.., and THE WHO...

The first person to see me.., and rush towards me with open arms was -- LIZA MINNELLI! Yes, Judy freakin' Garlands kid -- somewhere over the freakin' rainbow -- LIZA MINNELLI. After being mauled by Liza and the rest of these freaks from Hollywood.., I introduced them to the woman I was with -- a 5'10" blonde model. one of the most physically beautiful girls I have ever dated -- Sara (I couldn't show up alone).

After hanging out with this somewhat strange, but beautiful crew of musical theatre people for a few hours, shooting pool and getting shit-faced.., my buddy Donnie (the groom) grabbed my arm -- "There's someone up at the bar that really wants to meet you…" I head up there.., and sitting at the bar with an empty bar stool right next to him is -- PETE TOWNSHEND! PETE MUTHA FUKKIN' TOWNSHEND.., THE WHO!!!

As if things weren't strange enough, already…

I sat at the bar with Pete for almost 2 hours.., banging' back whisky and beer, whisky and beer, whisky and beer. We spoke about music, theatre, actors, love and marriage -- very interesting, very intelligent man… And I haven't even gotten to Los Angeles, yet… Before the night was over Pete Townshend introduced me to a beautiful girl in the wedding party, who lived in an amazing house in the Hollywood Hills with a few other hot LA girls -- all models and actresses…

This beautiful blonde girl was not having a good time because she needed another roommate to move into this little slice of heaven… Before she can finish telling her story Pete says -- "Mack should be your new roommate.., he's moving to LA…" The girl went from looking like her dog just died.., to jumping up and down with a smile from ear to ear… She even introduced me to her mother, who thought it was a great idea, to have a guy living in the house…

The decision was made… Even though I wasn't planning on moving out west for about 4-5 months -- I decided to head out west right after the wedding.., and my new roommate situation…

Stay tuned for Part 2 -- Landing in LA… It Only Gets STRANGER!

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