My thoughts being back to Academia

Revisiting my old posts is a great way to spend my spare time. For instance, last year I wrote Talking about Future- What's in store for me. In that post, I mentioned that I was trying to find my kind of "happiness." Looking at my present situation, I am nowhere close to that state.

I still struggle to find the answer to " what makes you happy?", " Where will you be happiest the most?", and " what are you willing to do to achieve your happiness?"

As of now, being back to academia there are several notes I have :

• These days I find myself having lesser time sharpening my creative writing skills. I love to write fiction. However, having to go back to academia toned down my creative side. I can no longer imagine something grand and vivid.

• These days, I can better distinguish a good vs mediocre writer, a writer with common sense or the one that's not. Perhaps that's why, the more I know, the more I understand, my writing is far from perfection.

• I realized I am ignorant.
  There are so many things I have yet to know. And, I don't even know why I complain about being bored. There are so many literatures I have not read nor memorized. I was just simply stunned today having to share thoughts with my partner. " How little I know!"

• Despite wanting to know something fast, I realized things take time.
  learning process is long and tedious. I can not learn something in just couple of hours and yet I have little patience. I need to fix my patience.

• I enjoy intellectual pursuits. I find myself in love with research methods, answering questions and trying to formulate an opinion based on my findings. However, it's been a while since I am delving in this sphere. I need more time to adjust but having to finish my undergraduate paper soon, I am feeling more pressured.

• I would love to have a year break and devoting myself to carry a small research. I don't mind moving into my parent's basement as long as I can conduct my research and sharing my knowledge. At least, I won't have to pay rent since it is the most expensive bills I currently have as a student.

• Being back to Academia made me realized that I was self-limiting myself. I was sucked into a bubble where I was focusing only to make money. However, before one can make a decent amount of money, they must know the knowledge. These days, everything is oversaturated. Anyone can do anything and anyone can claim to do anything. But there is something that distinguish one from another, that is their knowledge and skills.

That's all of my thoughts today.