---

' But not us! Because…. Because I got you to look after me, and you got me to look after you, and that's why.' - Lennie

' OK. Some day- we're gonna get the jack together and we're gonna have a little house and a couple of acres an' a cow and some pigs and… ' - George

---

Above is an excerpts from John Steinbeck's novel, of a mice and men. It is a heart wrenching tale about two men's friendship during great depression in the US and uniquely, was banned due racial slurs, profanity and foul language. Yet, just like many books I've read, I found a part of myself inked in the story.

It was an easy-come and easy-go before I met her

My bestfriend is a shrewdest, a plain-spoken and an intelligent woman I've ever met. Never have I ever to pretend to be someone else I am not, especially whenever she is around. And it took me a while to tell her my history. Turned out, she and I got issue(s).

One of our issue is that we are an incompatible software to run in our current society. She and I can function but we have glitches everywhere that includes language, mindset, passion and concern incompatibility. We were also two peas in a pod against all odds in our life. But the current has shifted and we have to go on with it.

Having a very special friend is a privilege for myself. I could have a friend easily but hardly ever be myself. I sure know many things, and getting along with different crowds is never difficult. Yet, the moment I speak out my true opinion, I kinda spook people out. I also think, we live in society where there are a lot of moral conducts and rules which many still obey and live up to it. Those was never my thing and I still find it hard to yield. Regardless, I force myself follow the rules, else I don't know how I can survive without trying to conform.

She was someone who was never mind with my dark and bad jokes, especially my offbeat opinion. We hangout together and I red pilled her with things I know. The result, It took a while to see someone from wearing a hijab to a blue haired girl. I also helped her out of the abusive relationship which restrict her to achieve her success and passion. all I knew while were together, she was happy and liberated. We had several achievements together and one of it was, we built a business together that went so good until college took the best of us and we had to stop.

We used to have a routine where she would smoke up to the past, while giggling over our favorite series " MOM" at my place. We loved it that it inspired us to build a small gathering for people who love art, philosophy and rant about the fucked up society. It wasn't done until I woke up one day and say ' Let's do it'. We did it and was very well received. Ever since we started the initiative, the awareness about depression in the place was growing and more people are willing to share their stories.

Like any other close friend, I recalled having a sleep over, I visited her house for the first time and the family liked me. I was liked because I taught her mom various continental food, which then ended up to a nice family dinner. That was something rare I had growing up, a dinner by the table, and be just like a family. But, her family treatment changed when her mom noticed things were different with B.

Her mom perhaps noticed I was a bad influence. I introduced my bestfriend, let's call her B, to my world, a world full of uncertainties, hardships and addiction. I showed her the taste of beer, spirits, and the pork; which she knew all her life was forbidden. It turned out, she really loves it. Although,she regained her confidence and passion but she develops a mild addiction towards cigarette. I never taught her this, I don't know where she get the idea.

Everything was fine until life got into the way.

I hit the lowest bottom of my life and she was there all along. I was glad I had her during those times in which I kept telling her, I hope that we'll make it to 28 years old. Eventually, she got tired of me for not being able to stand up for myself like I used to. I went on looking for ways to cope; writing and working. I got busy and we lost touch.

These days, we don't talk anymore. Nada.

Although, this very moment, I seem to have everything I want. I feel unhappy cause I lost a family. And, actually we became distant since the beginning of our 6th semester. That time, we met inside the class but we never sit next to each other anymore. It's even worse these days that she always rejected my invitation for a casual lunch or dinner. Well, despite of that, I won't give up trying and hoping she would accept it, someday.

Above all, she was the one who showed me, family was not necessarily bound by blood.

I miss you B,
Sincerely M