RE: The eternal heartache of a distant dad
I'm so glad you wrote about this Ash; speaking from experience, this community is a safe place to open up in.
Your post made me cry because I can empathize with it all, especially the guilt that's involved. When I split up with my ex and met Brian, my focus went from 100% focus on them to much less, mostly because their father and I had no relationship whatsoever, and I didn't focus on him. There was of course a learning curve for all of us, but I think Brian and I taught my two boys what a loving relationship actually looks like. Also moving to Mexico and leaving them behind has left me awake some nights feeling terrible about it all; even though they are 20 and 23 now, and both tell me they understand, sometimes I just wish there was another way. But like the UK, Vancouver where we are from is a rainy dreary place for 8 months of the year sometimes, and it was truly beginning to affect my mental health and Brian's physical one.
I know I could tell you that you're a good dad, that your daughter will understand, that you guys can have a beautiful long distance relationship, blah blah blah...In the end, you have to really believe that yourself. Most of the time, I believe the same about me, but every now again, especially if I'm tired, or mentally compromised with Brian's situation, that ugly and hateful arsehole named guilt pops by to say hi. And most of the time, I visit with him for a while, then kick him out of my house, like that too drunk guy at a party that doesn't know when to simply shut his mouth. My best advice to you, would be to try and figure out a way to do the same.
Sending big internet hugs your way and hoping for a wonderful reuniting visit with your beautiful daughter!
Thank you Lynn
It is tough to write openly and throw it out there not knowing what will come back, but I know you can speak from recent experience in that the response can be really great.
I understand what you mean about the guilt of a shifting focus, but I think mine was part of my health issues as I couldn't match 'real life', with my expectations or how I wanted things to be.
The weather is a real bummer, I had a SAD lamp for the last two winters sat on my chest, about 5 inches from my face each morning - they don't do what sunlight can though!
I'll figure it all out at some point, and maybe this weekend will help a little with that. At least I'll be met with a kind of sunshine you cant get anywhere else.
Thank you!
From the looks of the comments, you are experiencing some of the same as we did!
The weather in Vancouver is the same, and I found it affecting my mental health as well. It can be terrible to deal with for sure. I too tried the SAD lamp; it's got nothing on this Mexico sun :)
sigh ...so darn sweet :)
Enjoy your little ray of sunshine!
The SAD lamp is pretty pathetic, maybe if you had 5/6 of them in one room 😁
Thank you Lynn x
I just had a vision of you lying in bed in the morning, trying to force yourself up, with 5 or 6 lamps on you and Dave's rallier card on your ceiling haha
You are welcome Ash x
😂
If the Dave card was there I wouldn't need the lamps!