**ROXANE GAY LISTS 9 RULES FOR FEMALE FREINDSHIPS**

1. Abandon the cultural myth that all female friendships must be bitchy, toxic or competitive. This myth is like heels on purses - pretty, but it's designed to slow women down.

This is not to say that women aren't bitches, toxic, or competitive sometimes, but rather to say that these are NOT defining characteristics of female friendships, especially as you get older.

If you find that you are feeling bitchy, toxic or competitive toward the women who are supposed to be your closest friends, look at why and figure out how to fix and/or find someone who can help you fix it.

1. A lot of ink is given over to mythologizing female friendships as curious, fragile relationships that are always intensely fraught.
   Stop reading and writing what encourages this mythology!

If you feel like it's hard to be friends with women, you should consider that maybe the problem isn't with women; maybe it's just with you.

I used to be this kind of woman, am sorry I ever judged. 🙈

1. If you're the kind of woman who says that "I am mostly friends with guys", and you are proud of that, like that makes you closer to being a man - or something and makes you less of a woman; as if being a woman is a bad thing - It's ok if most of your friends are guys, but if you champion this as a commentary on nature of female friendships, well, you should soul search a little.

2. Sometimes your friends will date people you cannot stand. You can either be honest about your feelings or lie about it - there are good reasons for both.
   Sometimes you will be person dating someone your friends cannot stand. If your man or woman is a scrub, just own it so you and your friends can be more honest and talk about more interesting things.

My go to explanation is that "I am dating an asshole because I am lazy and you are welcome to borrow it."

1. If you are going through a rough patch and a friend is going through the best year ever and you need to have some dark thoughts about that, do it alone, or with your therapist or your diary; so that when you actually see your friend, you can avoid the myth discussed in one.👆

Don't tear other women down, because even if they are not your friends, they are women and this is just as important. This is not to say you cannot criticize other women, but understand the difference between constructively criticizing other women and tearing down cruelly.

1. Love your friends kids, even if you don't want or like children, just do it!

2. You should want nothing but the best for your friends, because when your friends are happy and successful, it's probably going to be easier for you to be happy.

3. Don't be totally rude about truth telling and consider how much truth is needed to actually get the job done. Finesse goes a long way!

4. These conversations are more fun when preceded by an emphatic GIRL!!

Courtesy of Zambian Feminists