Covert narcissism and swallowing crazy pills - part 7

Identifying the covert narcissist can be difficult.

They're experts in deception, and the twisting of reality.
'gas lighting', getting you to swallow 'the crazy pill', confusion and cognitive dissonance are all weapons used against the target. The 'host'.
I use the word host, for their relationships can be nothing other than parasitical in nature (even if not easily identifiable by form).

The covert narcissist is also called the 'fragile' or 'vulnerable' narcissist.

The varying techniques that use to control techniques all with the same end goal…Attaining power.

Here are some tactics that they use.

'Gas lighting'.

Gas lighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which a person or a group covertly sows seeds of doubt in a targeted individual or group.
This is with the intention of making the target question their own memory, perception, or judgment.
This often evokes feelings of cognitive dissonance in them, and other psychological shifts - such as inducing low self esteem over time. (the covert narcissist will try to project their own insecurities onto the host).

Gas lighting another individual includes using simple denial - 'I didn't do that', when both parties know quite clearly that they did in fact, 'do that'.
Lying has moral importance to the covert narcissist.

Using misdirection - By intentionally confusing the host through giving them false or inaccurate information, serves to put the target into a state of confusion.
The same with contradictions, and misinformation.

The aim is to destabilize the victim and de-legitimize the victim's beliefs.
To undermine the 'host' persons own internal structures.

The cover narcissist tries to alter the targets perception of reality. (postmodernism , anyone?).
NOTE: - I'll be writing a post soon about the - what I see - as the correlations between the covert narcissist, victim mentality, and the political left.
There seems to be very compelling evidence that would suggest these personality types may be drawn to specific ideologies.

I digress...
Instances of gas lighting can range from the denial of facts, to belittling the targets opinions, to the staging of bizarre events by the abuser - all with the intention of disorienting the victim.

Creating psychological chaos in the target, is the aim of the covert narcissist.

Why?

It makes their target question their own sanity.

Example:
Think of a torturer in a gulag.
They will tell their victims how much they love them - as they tear strips of skin off them.
‘I’m only doing it because I love you’ Riiiiiiiiip.
‘Once you understand how bad your capitalist thoughts are, you’ll understand why I'm doing this'. Riiiiiiiiiip.
"It's you that's making me do this to you, it's your own fault' Riiiiiip.

While this simplistic example is a real world, physical situation, the principles are just the same as the strategies employed by the covert narcissistic.

Being fragile and vulnerable - or appearing to be – is one of those manipulative tools in the covert narcissists arsenal..
They will show weakness, not strength.
They will appear to be vulnerable to promote feelings of pity, rather than looking invincible (unlike their overt narcissistic cousins).

Somebody functioning from the fragile narcissistic personality
perspective, would be somebody who is ‘emotionally cycling’.
They’re in a constant cycle of ‘elation’ and ‘depletion’ (unlike the overt narcissist, who has an easy source of ‘narcissistic supply’).

This perpetual cycle between 'elation' and 'depletion' tends to make them very moody (generally speaking).

When in the 'depletion' stage of the narcissistic supply cycle - You'll see them cry - you'll see them fragile - you'll see them vulnerable.
They'll say sorry a lot, and they will apologize - but really, they're only ‘emotionally cycling’.
Their emotional response is not an authentic one, it's a calculated one.

The expression of their fragility and vulnerability, is for nothing more than to get back into a ‘position of power’.

Never lose sight of this one constant...

EVERYTHING that this personality ‘disorder’ is about, is about gaining power over others.

The covert narcissist, doesn't have the same ‘overt’ power - so instead they manipulate .
An interesting point here - A covert narcissists can easily become overt narcissists - when they're given an ‘injection of power’ – some extra money, or job promotion, etc.
(I'm unsure if the reverse dynamic holds true , I'll have to do some research into that).

Because they lack the self confidence to express their desire to control in a way that’s direct - they have to be indirect.
They have to be intensely manipulative.

And that manipulation starts with getting the target to swallow
some ‘crazy pills’ such as gas lighting...

For the manipulation to work - and very similar to the vampire/victim relationship seen in the films, when the vampire has to be invited into the house first, before the predatory side is shown.

It's exactly the same with the abusive covert narcissistic relationship.

The whole relationship is dependent upon the victim voluntarily choose to engage in the game.

This is why the deception is required.
No one in their right mind would embark upon a relationship with someone who's knows the other persons intent is to destroy them

So, the covert narcissist initiates psychological attacks on their target until - quite literally - they are no longer in their 'right mind'.

They fool you into playing this game by showing ‘their vulnerability’, their fragility - so as to make you perceive them as something different to their core nature.
A predator.

...And by creating this false persona that you believe - you'll let your guard down.
The ‘crazy pill’ is sitting on the tongue...

And then it's swallowed....

‘They said sorry for lying to me, and then, the week before they cried about taking that money from my purse, and they really opened up to me and made themselves vulnerable .'

I’m sure you get the picture..

A state of confusion makes all people more malleable, and so they try to nurture this state in the minds of others.

So one one minute they'll appear like the grandiose narcissist, and the next (depleted from narcissistic supply), there'll be that vulnerable, pitiful person again.
When they're ‘weak’ they’ll need you.
They will be ‘needy’.
They will be vulnerable.
(‘victim mentality’ is a ‘constant’ in the covert narcissist).
This constant ‘emotional cycling’ between states of elation and depletion will make you feel confusion. As intended.

The 'sob story' is a weapon – and just because it comes in a non offensive brown paper package - doesn't change the fact, that it's a fucking cruise missile - and it's coordinates are locked onto you.
What they’ve done (unknowingly to the real victim), is turn those good healthy good emotions (empathy) on their head.
The strength that comes with empathy - is now a weakness.
'They' see empathy as a weakness.
Something to be used for their own ends.

Once you've accept this state of utter confusion as normal,
They know that you won't leave them (or kick them out).

The ‘crazy pill’ has been successfully delivered…
The missile has hit the target.

Once gas lighted into this state, you’ll then find it difficult
to draw any boundaries - both with them, and in the wider world.
It is like a brain cancer that spreads.

The amount of confusion that they can generate in the target is so high you'll never really know what the truth is anymore , to know what the lies are.
IN ALL parts of your life.

The crazy pill, once swallowed and not identified - keeps working away.... on you!

To extricate yourself from this kind abusive relationship - you first have to be able to look at yourself - objectively – as an adult – from the outside looking in as it were.
Only then can you have any chance of smashing the parasitic dynamic to pieces.

Unless you can see it for yourself, for what it is – then you’re gonna be lost deep in the woods, with no map to get you out.
And all that time in the company of a very, very, hungry wolf.

Covert narcissists are , in my opinion, much more

damaging in the long run when compared to their overt cousins.

Simply because 'the target' never really knows what the hell is going on!

The cognitive dissonance created by living a life of constant…‘yeah’… but ‘no’… but ‘yeah’… but ‘no’…but ‘yeah’… but ‘no’… but ‘yeah’ but ‘no’….is very destructive for the individuals living it.
Seriously, seriously, destructive.

If you're trapped in this weird , perverted, self corrupting , hall of mirrors that you've unwittingly put yourself in, and you WILL end up damaged.

One week, month , year, decade, it doesn't change anything.
You WILL be damaged.

In my next post...

How to psychologically screw up your newly recognized, covert narcissistic abuser, while not screwing yourself up in the process.

This is the 'fun ' part!
(...if you can class any kind of interaction 'fun', with the covert narcissist, that is - They make the color 'grey' look vibrant and exciting).