Journaling My Life Away #1
I’m really starting to wonder if all of this is worth it. I’d like to run away (as white hipster as that sounds.) I want to run far, far away from this little hole in the ground, but as my husband and I decorate, it becomes more and more evident that I’m probably never going to leave this place.
Why am I stuck in this constant state of fight or flight? It can’t be my depression. My depression makes me stay put, sulking in bed until I have to pee and even then, it’s debateable when I’ll get up. I just want to run far away and never come back. My sense of adventure is bugging at me and every time I mention running away, my husband says no.
It’s seemingly everyday we have this conversation:
Me: “Let’s live in a van and see the world.”
Him: “That’s stupid. I don’t wanna be homeless.”
I tell him that home is where your heart is, and everywhere he dwells is my home. He brushes me off. A new day starts.
I wonder if my love for him is strong enough to combat this; it should be. I hope we work something out soon.
Perhaps what you need to do is come to him with a more sensible idea? Not that your desire for adventure is unreasonable, I've been travelling most my short life on earth and its definitely critical to enjoying life!
I'd say the best thing to do, get a job or income that doesnt need a fixed location to earn moeny from, Steemits a good one XD better yet, I can today with the money on steemit travel for a week, so try to get to 50 sbd and do some weekend travelling!
thanks for the input! I feel like you’re right but we weekend adventure frequently and I’m not satiated for whatever reason. 😭
This one gave me much freedom @localyokel:
I want to make a suggestion @localyokel. The reason for this suggestion is because I have been depressed and anxious for adventure before. When I read your post I couldn't help thinking "Wow, I remember how I used to feel exactly like this from 2008-2012. In 2012 my entire life transformed just by watching these Youtube clips daily and listening to the audios daily:
Thank you so much for going out of your way to give me these YouTube clips. It means so much to me that you would do that. 💕 I’ll definitely give them a go.
Tis my pleasure @localyokel. I'm very excited for what your are about to hear..