Ah! The British Bank Holiday - Beer and Circuses

So it's Bank Holiday Monday in the UK today. One of those long-standing traditions of ours that reminds us where the real power in our society lies. The only reasons to give lazy workers the day off are the days when the banks are shut and so nobody can trade. Some of these have religious roots - Christmas Day and Good Friday but they're only holidays to show the piety of those who screw us every other day of the year. More holidays have been gradually and grudgingly introduced since 1834 to stop the people from revolting. Oh, and if one of the royal parasites opens up an opportunity for extending the line through procreation, we get a day off for Royal Weddings.

The real effects of these holidays are mostly on the hospitality and street-cleaning industries - those who work 9-5 Mon-Fri every week and therefore usually moderate the binge-drinking that makes such a life bearable, are set free to go bonkers in pubs and clubs with an extra day to handle the hangover. Street cleaners get the bonus of wading through the rivers of vomit in our town centre gutters and pulling condoms and underwear out of blocked drains.

But God is watching. The weather is notoriously bad, even by British standards (see illustration), usually just for the day of non-trading. You can pretty much guarantee that despite the previous week of soaring temperatures which you've sweated out in your un-air-conditioned call centre in the hope of a day at the beach on Monday, the heavens will open at lunchtime at the latest and everyone will continue to be miserable.

Cheers!