SECRETLY IN LOVE

Love? I often laugh when I hear that word--I mean, i thought it was crazy. Besides, I have seen a lot of people suffer because of that four-letter-word, and I didn't get it. Because I always thought that its not hard leaving that someone when all he did was to make you cry and make you feel unimportant. I always thought that its very easy to let go of those feelings you have for him, "piece of cake" that's whats on my mind.

"I'll hold on 'til the end, because I love him and I don't want to regret anything" this phrase has been quite famous in my circle of with-boyfriend-friends, and whenever they tell me that, I can't help but roll my eyes and punch them awake at the back of my head and tell them; "Dude, just break up with that person and find someone worth your love. Duh." But you know what's funny? Tables turned. And they're the ones saying that to me right now. JUST KIDDING. No way. Why? Because there is no such thing as "us" I mean-- he doesn't even know that I like him, so we'll never gonna break up, "funny". Curious? Hmmn. How should I say this, well, he's my close-friend. And I never thought I'd fall for him, like ew. hahaha. Well anyway, I still did. And it's my fault, so, I have no right to complain.

I didn't really know how it all started, and I don't know why either. It just happened that one day whenever I see him, my heart would go gaga. And I'm quite dense so it really took time for me to realize, and when I did, I tried my best to not show him (tho I think I did the opposite). I know its kinda crazy but whenever he holds my hand, (I can't believe I'm saying this) I can't help but smile, and it feels like I'm about to burst. Is this normal?! OF COURSE ITS NOT. ITS CRAZY. Yeah I know, that's why I have decided to make these feelings grow no longer. But just last night, at our acquaintance party, this stupid-dense-not normal person went to my table and whispered a joke, well for him it is but for me, I almost died. (I still can't believe myself). Do you know what the hell did he say?

"Can I kiss you?" he said acting it out and laugh, running back to his table like a complete idiot. I almost throw him my chair and went berserk, but I'm too busy smiling as if I'm in cloud 9. Did I just said cloud 9? Hah. This is crazy. Just why the hell do I like this person? Trust me, I always ask myself this, but then I always found no answer. I guess, you don't really need reasons to love someone. You just love him because he's what he is, that's it--even if he's a complete psycho.

Even if I do have feelings for him, I have no plans on saying it, because just like anybody else, I treasure our friendship more than my own emotions. I don't want to destroy the relationship that we together built at my own selfish reasons. I shouldn't have laughed at "love", 'cause right now its already taking its vengeance on me. Could this be my karma? Hmmmn maybe? If it is, then I guess, it'll forever be one-sided. I better prepare myself then. :)

Thanks for reading! :))
Lovelots 💕, Joy