You Gotta Dread Your Heart Before Your Dread Your Head: Lily's Dready Journey Explained

A wise man once told me “You must dread your heart before you dread your head”.  This was around the time when John was in the beginning stages of his dreadlocks, which I started with a tiny crochet needle.  His set was my first set I ever did, and at this point I’ve done my own dreadlocks with that method, albeit way more messily.   
 

Getting dreads is a process, from deciding to do so to getting them done to the day where they actually start to look nice.  It’s a long (although there are things you can do to make it go faster) process with a lot more involved than most people realize. It’s not about forgetting to brush your hair and just letting it happen, although that is how many people’s journey starts.  I’ll just share my own and it’ll explain a lot of what I’m talking about.    
 

I first decided I wanted dreads when I was a kid.  My mom had a lot of hippy friends and they told me they didn’t have to brush their hair.  As a kid with long red hair, I was IN.  I hated the process of brushing my mane and actually had repeatedly asked to have it cut because I didn’t want to take care of it as it was.  My mom’s hippy friends tried to start dreads at my request, always ending in my mom raking them out angrily with a brush.  For a hippy, she seemed to have a lot of issues with her kid having dreads. She also had an issue with the idea of me cutting my hair, which kept me in an annoying limbo.
  

I squashed that and grew up trying to be normal, realistically.  I was always an outcast, identifying with the punks, goths and hippies at school mostly. I had normal hair, that I cut here and there in different styles, but I left the desire to dread my hair behind for the most part.  I still appreciated the style, but I was no longer actively pining for it.  Even when I started smoking cannabis I wasn’t running for dreadlocks.  The desire for those resurfaced in college, as I started to get involved with drug policy politics.    
 

When I met John he told he he was getting dreads, partially due to the fact that the last time his hair was cut it was by the government as he went to prison for a victimless crime he was never actually convicted of. I was obviously more interested in starting my own journey with that and by the time he had me do his dreads in the following fall, I was planning on getting my own, although I wasn’t ready for them then. I made one little dreadlock in the lower layers of my hair and left it at that.  That little dreadlock is now my longest one I’ve got, oddly enough.  It was in those months that that quote I started the article with entered my life, I believe through John actually from a rastafarian.     

A few months later we decided to start the process again, with a few more next to the first one.  We got as far as braiding it and tying it at the end and I forgot about it for awhile.  It started to dread itself and by the end of it I had three dreadlocks hidden in my long hair. I kept what that man said in my head and I decided that if I wasn’t ready to have them all, I simply wasn’t ready.  I didn’t think too much into it at the time, but now that I have fully dreaded my head it makes a lot more sense.
 

When we moved off grid I did a lot of forgetting to brush my hair and ended up with a few more in the back of my hair in that time.  As I fully intended to dread the rest of my hair, I wasn’t seriously concerned.  I kept them separate and tried to give them some shape but for the most part these dreadlocks were a little mess hanging off the back of my head.  I did my best to keep the rest of my hair as hair and I did so for a long time.  I still wasn’t ready.
 

I understood the implications of dreadlocks.  Having them puts a sign on your chest that says “I am a cannabis consumer” even if you aren’t.  It does give cops a reason to mess with you and you do need to understand that if you’re intending on getting dreads, especially in the United States. There are negative implications to the hairstyle.  It’s a bit easier for men, because John just covered his with a hat for most of his time in the US.  By the time they were too long for a hat, we were on our way to Mexico and while it mattered, it just didn’t matter in the same way. What helped was that we ended up on the west coast, where that hair is a much more common sight.
 

Not only harrassment from cops but it is one of those things that is heavily stereotyped.  Many modern day white kids with dreadlocks have a tendency to be…...less than intelligent, leading to the stereotype that most people hold of people with dreads.  They have the potential but they dumb themselves down with various things that makes it so when people first glance at someone with dreadlocks, they are immediately put off a little.  Having interacted with lots of hippies with dreads that have put me off, I get the stereotype.   
 

However with any stereotype comes the exception and those are often extraordinary.  Having met enough of these dready exceptions myself, I know that the hairstyle does not determine the person.  I strive myself to be that exception and having talked to many people about this subject, they agree that I’m not what they expected.  I call myself a skeptical hippy and I am, just about everything I “should be into” I’m very skeptical of.  From paganism to shamanism to new age religion, I have my eyebrow raised at it all when my appearance should be telling you that’s all my thing.    
 

John and I have talked about this many times with many people but our dreads are a deterrent in a way, meant to keep anyone away who judge us based on our hair.  If you’re not willing to talk to me because of my hair, I’m not interested in being involved with you.  It’s natural if you recoil initially due to societal and cultural brainwashing, but the difference is whether you can catch yourself and recognize that and look past it, or if that’s where you stop.
 

I had a conversation at a party with a German man at the anarchapulco conference and as I explained, I saw the understanding hit his face.  “You’re right,” he said “When I first saw you, I was like oh look another dumb hippy.  But I’ve talked to you and found otherwise”.  That is the difference.  Do you avoid the guy with the weird hair or do you approach him and see what he has to say first?
 

Intentions are important to consider when embarking on a hairstyle like this.  While a haircut is different because you can always simply grow your hair out of a bad cut, it’s not so simple with dreadlocks.  If you decide to change your mind you can cut them off, or go through the long and hair damaging process of brushing them out. As a woman, this is a lot to consider because at least for me the idea of shaving my head has NEVER been appealing.   
 

So why would you want them? I’ve got many reasons, like the hair brushing one for example.  My life and scalp are much happier now that I don’t spend time brushing my hair every day.  I can use my hair to tie back my hair, which makes it way more versatile than before.  The ways in which I can style it are more appealing for me personally than the ways you can style regular hair.  It supports my wash my hair as little as possible lifestyle. I also do like the way they look.
 

I’ve had many people in my life have and get dreadlocks for the wrong reasons.  It was about the status, about being unique or cool. These people got extensions or often spent too much time working their dreads, only to make them fall apart.  So many times I’ve heard stories and met people who have had dreadlocks, only to have gotten rid of them for reasons ranging from mold to working them to death with a crochet needle.
 

Many people start the process of getting dreads to be disappointed by how bad they look in the beginning. This too is part of dreading your heart.  My dreads, the ones featured in this post are only about 7 months old, in terms of being finished.  They have their bumps, loops, twists and holes.  They are not perfect or clean.  They are fuzzy and often go in random directions.  It is an awkward teenage phase that everyone has to go through if they’re really intending to have and keep dreadlocks. Knowing this, I’m not bothered by how bad my hair looks.  There are actually days where I really enjoy them despite their craziness.
 

My friend @erikaharris has a coffee cup that has a quote which I really appreciate, especially since I’ve started my full dreaded journey.  “My hair is a daily practice of allowing what is” and it’s the truth.  I think of it like a metaphor.  I’m currently full of my own mental bumps and lumps and loops.  Things will (and are) smoothing out in both regards but it’s going to take time and effort.  It’s my way of wearing my heart on my sleeve.   
 

When you decide to get dreads there’s actually a lot more involved than not brushing hair.  There are many routes and methods for going about starting them and how you do it is up to you.  I’ll explain the various ways and why I picked the route I did.   
 

So yes, you can just stop brushing your hair and let the neglect method happen.  I actually did a hybrid involving this just to see what it was like.  It wasn’t for me.  I call this the homeless look and it’s got a really long awkward phase, often like 5 years at least.  If you don’t separate your dreads, they will form into one unidread.  I’ve seen it before, it’s not my thing.
 

Then theres a bit less rudimentary, the palmrolling method.  You literally squish your hair between two flat palms and roll your hands together.  After a lot of this, you’ll have nice dreads.  The awkward time is a bit less but not much. I do this more as maintinence than anything.  You can combine these and often times many methods are combined.   
 

You can do rip and twist, which is just twisting your hair and splitting it to make knots.  This makes messy dreads to start, but is faster than palmrolling or neglect method. You can backcomb, which is just combing backwards to make knots, making loose fuzzy dreads.
 

Then there’s the crochet method, easy to do right and easy to do wrong.  I did John’s dreads by this method and eventually my own last fall.  This cuts the really awkward time to just a few months, 6 at most.  My hair is still crazy but its a lot more presentable than it was a few months ago.  Done right, this produces clean nice dreads very quickly.  This is the closest to a dread shortcut I will take.
 

And there are shortcuts.  Even overworking your hair with a crochet needle is a short cut until the dreads start to fall apart, which is SO common. Using products like wax to hold your dreads together is a short cut, and a gross one at that.  Do you want wax in your hair forever? Just asking for mold in my opinion. Extensions are definitely a shortcut, if you cannot deal with having short dreads either wait like I did, or don’t get dreads.  Simple as that.  I wasn’t interested in the short awkward hair so I waited partially due to that.
 

I think shortcuts are a symptom that you didn’t wait until you’re ready.  There is a short time where you kinda look like a homeless crazy person.  Those majestic dreads don’t happen overnight and it’s worth understanding and respecting that.  Using shortcuts don’t help and everyone I know that has used them doesn’t have dreads anymore.  Instead of getting extensions because I wasn’t ready for short dreads, I waited until my hair was long enough to have longer dreads.
 

My journey was a long one but I am glad for it.  My dreads are weird and funny shaped but I absolutely love them.  I can put glass beads that I made in them, I can tie them how I want.  I can ride on the motorcycle with my hair down without concern, wheras before I would have been brushing my hair for an hour afterwards.  I get more airflow than I expected, so despite having big heavy hair it doesn’t feel so heavy in these hot temperatures. I haven’t had a moment where I’ve regretted my decision and I figure I’ll probably have them for a long time.
  

Here in Mexico, dreads are looked at differently.  Here I am automatically Rasta and the Mexican’s call after us as such.  There’s a higher respect because the Mexican people seem to understand there is a religion behind the Jamaican culture.  Considering Mexico is a religious country, they identify with us automatically based on that.  I’m not religious, I don’t identify with the religion but I do appreciate the respect I get.  I can also smoke anywhere I want without too many people batting an eyelash.  I’m rasta, it’s part of my religion(more like philosophy)!   
 

The police do pay more attention to us because we have dreadlocks but because we are foreign they have no recourse.  They try and pull us over occasionally but I think they’re starting to learn that we aren’t interested in stopping to chat, ever, under any circumstances. I honestly did put off dreads in the states because I wasn’t ready for the legal attention I would get.  That was part of my journey.
 

A while into living here I felt confident and ready enough to start my journey and I did.  I tried the neglect route just to see and wasn’t fond of it.  I quickly tamed my locks with the needle and do so every so often.  Never do work with a needle more than once a month or risk degrading your locks.  I do it once every two to be honest, as I’m not in a huge rush to have them look perfect.  I’m not perfect, neither are they.
 

I wash my hair every few weeks to be honest and I rinse with apple cider vinegar every month.  This keeps them mold free and smelling nice and it actually makes them shinier too.  I’m going to start doing this with kombucha vinegar as I’ve heard great things about it.  Care is minimal, I palm roll them when I’m bored and separate them as loose hairs will try to join dreads into one. There is some work, especially in the beginning but it’s not nearly unpleasant as brushing and that’s good enough for me.    
 

So there you have it, my rant showing my perspective on dreadlocks and what really goes into getting them.  It’s not some hippy laziness, but often careful deliberation and consideration on the implications of this hairstyle.  I’ve noticed that some people look at me with respect while others clearly with disgust. I don’t get upset, but I do often chuckle at their responses.  I don’t need them, why should I care about their hangups?
 

Dreading my hair has been my final freeing, in many ways.  I got to Mexico and pretty much was scared for awhile to be honest.  I wanted to do my dreads but I didn’t know what was going to happen with my life.  As life became less financially dire it seemed like a better idea.  I finally let it happen and honestly I’m glad I waited.  I embraced my crazy hair from the beginning and it’s honestly been a great experience for me.    
 

I’m not trying to convince you to get dreadlocks, but I am trying to show there’s a lot more involved than most people consider.  This was a long process for me and it’s been an amazing journey that I’ve wanted to share for awhile but just hadn’t had the words. As you can tell if you’re still reading, it’s one of the longest posts I’ve shared in awhile but it’s important enough to make it happen. So if you’re still reading, thanks for hearing me out on this one.    
 Thanks for following and supporting us, until next time!