Cut my biological father out of my life this morning...

This morning I made the conscious decision to permanently cut my biological father out of my life. He actually started contacting me through facebook a few years ago and then I didn't know how to feel about it. I got a lot of advice saying that I should at least attempt a relationship with him since he extended an olive branch, so I did. But honestly, it was painfully awkward. What do you even say to someone who abandoned you for 20+ years? Nothing that's conducive to building a positive relationship, that's for sure. Though, he's been nothing but civil and I applaud him for adamantly trying to keep up dialogue over the last several years. I just can't bring myself to want him in my life.
When he found out we had a baby and I was engaged, he wanted photos of the family. I'm sure he wanted to feel like a proud grandfather. A child brings bonds back into a family like you wouldn't believe, and they can be so positive for your relationships with those wonderful people. But it also opens up a whole new type of hurt sometimes. I thought long and hard about letting him into my son's life and all the outcomes that would result. Maybe he'd be a loving grandfather who would visit often and be another good connection for my son to have. Or maybe, the reality is that he would try and then realize how hard it is to actually be a good and functioning part of a child's life and he'd just bail again. He already put my family through that once. I won't, and can't even begin to consider, letting him do that again.
Maybe I'm a terrible person for that. Maybe it really is the right thing to do. I don't know. I'm past being angry with him. Time just does that to people sometimes, and I'm not the child I used to be any more. All I know is that I've gotten along fine without him, and I think I just want to keep on living my life like he never came back. I guess I'm just ranting about this now because on some level it hurts. It hurts knowing that he wanted to make amends and that, for some reason, I'm just not capable of forgiving and forgetting. I'm actively not just keeping him at a distance from myself but also from my family, and on some level that makes me feel like a toxic piece of shit. No matter how right I feel in doing so, I still feel sad for him.

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