I recently experienced a bout with depression. It wasn't the worst or the longest bout I've ever endured, but it was awful all the same.

On previous occasions, when I've struggled with depression and anxiety, I've always kept the feelings to myself. This course of action has never resulted in much relief; in fact, it probably worsens and prolongs the experience. Plus, bottling up my emotions makes me not be proactive about trying to feel better. It makes me feel like I'm in a never-ending downward spiral, that no one cares, and that nothing can be done.

But this time, I decided to change my method of dealing with depression and anxiety.

I made myself talk to some friends and loved ones about what I was going through, and that helped me feel a little better, just knowing that people cared. Then I forced myself to make this post on Facebook:

I've been on Facebook for 8 years, and I don't think I've ever used the platform to go into detail about any negative emotions I was having, unless they were related to my disgust with statism. I don't like to be seen as weak or whiny, and so I keep these kinds of things close to my chest, both in real life and on social media. Especially on social media. But I'm glad I posted it. So many friends and acquaintances reached out to show support to me in my time of trouble. Many people posted comments to the thread letting me know they empathized with where I was at, encouraging me to talk with someone, and to do some much needed self-care. Several people even sent me private messages offering to lend me an ear if I just needed someone to talk to. It made me feel, if not totally better, at least that I wasn't alone in this.

My next step in recovery from depression was to embark on a journey of therapeutic selfie-taking.

I've never been one for taking a lot of pictures in general, but especially not selfies. Pictures of myself tend to remind me of my insecurities, so I mostly avoid cameras, except when I'm feeling absolutely stunning, which is rare. But for some reason I felt like I needed to see myself happy in order to believe it. So I tried to smile at my smartphone and get some pictures of myself that I could look back at later and say, "See? It's not that bad."

My first attempts:

In this picture I'm not smiling at all. I hadn't coaxed myself into it yet. But I looked at the result and liked it anyway. So I kept trying.




Here I give a half-hearted smile. I've heard it said that when you feel sad, you can trick yourself into being happy by just making yourself smile. Like "fake it til you make it." I think there's some truth to that.




Another fake smile, getting realer... I think being surrounded by nature and beauty also helped to lift my spirits. This day, I was driving around doing errands, feeling awful, and I passed a park with a creek and thought, 'maybe I'd feel better if I was there.' So I turned the car around and went back to the park. I spent about 20 minutes there, just walking around, looking at the water and trees, and taking a few selfies. I did feel better when I left.

Next, I decided do some things for my health. I started taking certain supplements, cut my sugar intake, tried to keep myself well-hydrated, and I went back to hot yoga after a 2 year hiatus.

I bought a bottle of multi-vitamins and a collagen supplement to hopefully combat the joint deterioration that causes me occasional pain. I started taking Vitamin D3, which is supposed to help with depression and anxiety. I have a bit of a soda addiction. So I limited myself to one small cup of soda every other day, and began drinking at least four pint glasses of water daily.

I remembered that when I used to do hot yoga regularly, I always felt strong and confident and happy. So I bought an 8 class card and started attending classes twice a week. My first class back after two years of no yoga at all was intense, to say the least. I left exhausted. But it did have an immediate positive effect on my sense of well-being.

This is the selfie I took the evening after my first hot yoga class. I still don't look overjoyed, but I can see a lightness in my eyes and a relaxed look about my face that wasn't there before. (And in case you're wondering, yes, I wear that shirt a lot. It's one of my favorite shirts.)

Next, I focused on trying to enjoy my family and surroundings, even if I didn't feel up to it.

I've found that active appreciation is a huge part of contentment and happiness. But sometimes, I'm too sad or down to experience naturally-arising feelings of appreciation about much of anything. So, just like I made myself talk to people about my feelings, and I made myself take selfies, and I made myself go to hot yoga, it was time to make myself appreciate.

I started with little things. "I appreciate the way the breeze is blowing through the window and across my bedroom just now."

Once I felt able to appreciate little things again, I started making myself spend more time around family and loved ones. And I kept taking selfies.

This is one of very few pictures of me and my daughter together that exists from since she was very little. I love it. You can tell my smile here is genuine.




My husband and I at Waffle House, of all places. He is trying to make me laugh by making funny faces, and it is working. ;)

After about five weeks of active self-care, self-expression, selfie-taking, and appreciation, I really started to feel alive again. Sometimes, I even feel amazing.

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This post is about my own personal journey with depression. It is not meant to describe or diminish anyone else's experience, or to prescribe solutions for others going through hard times. Everyone is different, and depressive episodes come in varying lengths and levels of severity. If you do find something helpful in this post that you can use in your own journey, I'm glad to have been able to help. But ultimately, this is just me sharing a story from my life. Thank you for listening.