Death

Today marked the date that Jesus Garza, aka "The Chemical Vampire" was buried. It was odd to see a former friend now a corpse. You could see the weight of sadness on his sister and his wife. His friend Peter dealt with bouts of sorrow and despair.

Death is not a pretty thing. It brings grief which can be emotionally exhausting and challenging feeling to process. Some people never recover grief successfully and eventually end up engaging in destructive behavior. Excessive drinking, suicide, and even murder happen as a result of not coping with grief adequately.

However, I think everybody today will remember who what Jesus was, a kind and caring people. Jesus himself could not correctly handle the death of his mom. The powerful effects of devasting grief enveloped his soul and took him to dark places. Dark places that eventually resulted in quick death.

How do I deal with grief? Grief for me is express through loneliness and reminiscing about the person. Grief is expressed through subconscious dreams. Concerning expressing sorrow, I have flatline emotions instead of a face full of tears and pain. No emotional sadness just a sense of that something was gone or taken for this world. I think the same thing will happen with mom except for the intensity of loneliness will be a lot worse than Jesus Garza's death. It will be flatline emotion with a sense of Anhedonia for an extended period. That will be the feeling. It will mean daily attendance to meetings, avoiding the bars, going to detox and panels, and just staying the program until the Anhedonia o. I could see myself not going to Burning Man events for an extended period as I deal with the trauma of my mom's death

Jesus Garza chooses death over dealing with grief. His frail body could not handle pain. That is not a tragedy, but instead, he decides to go. He had a symbiotic relationship with his mother, and he wanted to be with her in eternity (in the Christian heaven). I have no concept of an afterlife, and all this of life is what he had. If there is an afterlife, it is probably is a heaven for the faithful and a shadowy Hades for everybody else. (My spiritual beliefs are heavily infused with evangelical Christianity which I have not entirely shaken off yet).