We love others the same way we love ourselves
Our first crucial relationship is with our parents or carers, which shapes our approach to relationships.
John Bowlby, a psychiatrist, defined attachment types as early childhood emotional bonds with parents or carers. Cindy Hazan and Phillip Shaver developed the hypothesis and found that adult relationships mirror childhood attachment patterns.
Surprised? Yes, indeed! Our behavioural models are like deep markings that condition us, yet recognising them lets us renew them to avoid unsatisfying or harmful connections.
The "caretaker" can be the mother, father, grandma, or nanny, whoever spends the most time with the children in early life and marks them based on their relationship.
They care about the child's well-being and address their physical and emotional requirements. She monitors his emotions and provides him enough love without overpowering him. It offers him the autonomy he needs, depending on his development, to explore the environment. The child feels bad while his carer is away but settles down since he knows she will return.
Because they like sharing time and closeness, secure attachment adults are comfortable in partner relationships. She can ask for forgiveness, walk away from hurt, and express herself when needed. She builds healthy connections and handles everyday conflicts.
Cold and distant, the guardian cannot meet the child's emotional needs. He's pleased to meet his physical requirements and prefers punishment over cuddling. He believes showing too much sympathy for children undermines his authority.
When this child grows up, he/she will be an insecure adult who hides his emotions to avoid bothering others and has trouble sharing closeness with his partner. Sex life and honest chats about profound sentiments are discussed.
This duty is difficult for the guardian, who is occasionally affectionate but sometimes flees and withdraws. He does not reject the child, but his personal issues prevent him from protecting him. This person is sometimes happy and sometimes furious, so the youngster doesn't know what to expect.
As an adult, he will be insecure in relationships and scared of abandonment. Because of this, he can stifle his love (thinking he would hold his lover back) but overwhelm and frighten him. Adult anxiety and suspicion.
Guard is unresponsive and absent. He may abuse the youngster. The child needs the carer yet is terrified of him, making the scenario dramatic. He's a child full of concerns and uncertainty, which might lead to aggressiveness and unwarranted sobbing.
These adults struggle to identify and express emotions. Because they think they don't deserve love and are unstable, they're confused in relationships. They struggle to understand others' sentiments and set limitations (on rights and cohabitation).