THE PRAYING MANTIS

"Father Lord, please that Capital Project Contract from PHCN please let it be allocated to me, in Jesus Mighty Name I pray - Amen"

My Answer: Na only you waka come abi? Don't worry we shall reconsider your wishes in due time and get back to you!

"My wife is going through labour, right now she's with the medical expert in the labour room, I don't want her giving birth through caesarean operation, please father lord take absolute control of her save delivery in Jesus mighty name we pray - Amen!

My answer: Bros, na you be the plaintive, the accuse and the judge over labour matter alone, fear God O!

"Its been 10 years since I last graduated from Unilag with First Class honour, yet I can't get a job, father lord please take away the spirit of failures and joblessness in my life, I know nobody can do this for me but you, so here I come unto you oh lord like the lost sheep of Babylon, be my shepherd oh lord!"

My answer: All The lost sheep of Babylon have been found, go and check them out on Discovery Channel Mr. First Class who is yet to discovered his purpose in life since 10 yrs ago! Discovery Channel is just a dial away abeg!

I have been starving since the past 3 days, right now my whole body is weak and the rumbling in my stomach continues to numb my every sensory organs, all I crave for at this point in time is for you to send down your manna from the heaven, just like you provided for Jesus when he fed thousands with your grace, I need that grace in my life oh lord more than ever, don't let me die in vain with hunger!"

My answer: You want manna abi, no worry the rainy season is so near, you will get more than manna falling from the heaven. Just hang on a little more bro, rescue is on the way! Don't die waiting abeg!

"I need a good man in my life oh God, guide my steps aright so that when that man cometh I shall be able to lower my standards and expectations of that perfect man to accept him unconditionally, I'm tired of this loneliness, give me a man I can call my crown, make me the latest bride in town this year oh lord in Jesus mighty name I pray - Amen!"

My answer: My Cinderella sister Ngozi, mills n boon novel don scatter your brain so tail you now know what the perfect 10/10 dude should look like abi; broad shoulder, thick chest, six packs, blue eyes, strong arms, raspy voice like strawberry and great cook! You better wake up from your fantasy island, Naija guys no get blue eyes but red eyes from Alomo and Shepe in the system, when dem kolombi you left, right and center your voice shall testify to the lord's doing, and it is marvellous in our eyes!

And the ranting goes on and on...

Prayer like the praying mantis!

Image credit: en.wikipedia.org