Being a good parent in a culture of fear

Have you heard the story of the little girl who wandered off with a friend she met at the playground and then they met a lovely granny who offered them cookies and even had them wash their hands before eating? Probably not. But you do remember reading the story of the boy who got lost in the park and was found three days later in a ditch, murdered after hours of sadistic torture.
I remember countless such stories and - as far as my children are concerned - I can come up with an incredible number of potential dangers in any given situation. I am not going to apologize for being neurotic, as it is not my fault - it’s the media that has conditioned me to always fear for my children.

So, we were at a rock festival over the weekend and my ten year old wanted to go play in a kids’ corner - a hundred yards from the stage. A very good idea to provide a play area, you might say - and yet, after dark 100 yards is way too far for my brain to be comfortable with the idea. Kids tend to wander out of the perimeter (which they did) and there’s all kinds of people, some of them drunk, as is the case at such events.
My logical mind knows the chances of anything bad happening are insignificant, yet for the whole time he was there playing I kept straining my neck trying to see if he was OK. (Most of the time I couldn’t actually see him, as my eyesight is failing, but I still kept watch!)
I know enough not to burden a child with all my fears, I know he needs to learn to be on it’s own - yet all the cells in my brain kept screaming - ‘you cannot sit here and have fun while the child is out there in the darkness’.

I am part of a generation who was allowed way more freedom at a young age and not because our parents were irresponsible - they just weren’t scared like today’s parents, as they didn’t have their heads filled with horror stories every single day.
My Mom, for instance, had the child rearing job figured out before she could afford to buy a TV set. I, on the other hand, had years of experience in the media, reading and writing many horrible cases, before I had my first child. Younger parents have it even worse as today more people are online most of the day.

Even if it happens in another part of the world, chances are you hear of it that very day. That’s why we have news feeds and social media - to keep us informed of what’s going on in the world.
Or at least that was the idea when the press was invented - let people have access to information. The trouble is that very early in the business the media understood one essential fact - fear sells better! Nobody is going to write that thousands of flights landed safely today, but you’ll have non-stop coverage of a plane crash. You won’t find a single story of the millions of children having a wonderful day in the park, but the story of the little boy who went missing will go viral in a matter of hours. Even if it’s the same case that pops up on various sites the cumulative effect will have you filled with horror - there’s crime wherever you look, even if it’s the same one. Statistics say that in most cases of missing children it turns out they were ‘kidnapped’ by the estranged partner, but ask any parent and they’ll all be aware of the pedophile lurking in the dark, waiting for his chance to snatch your child.

And it’s not just the media, as governments worldwide have seized upon these fears and they’ve come up with laws under which parents are mandated to watch their children 24/7. Letting your child play on its own out of your eyesight is a crime in some countries and you can be reported to the police even if nothing bad happens. As is leaving a child alone in the house, even if he’s old enough to know not to play with the stove! The fact that there’s a law on children’ safety only compounds your fears. ‘They wouldn’t make a law if there was no danger, would they?’ goes the common reasoning. Only they would!

‘Politicians need fear to control the population. Lawyers need dangers to litigate and make money. The media need scare to capture an audience. Together, these three estates are so compelling that they can go about their business even if the scare is totally groundless. (Michael Crichton - State of Fear)

Public opinion, too, has been shaped to expect that parents always keep watch over their children. If a child breaks a bone falling from a swing, the parent who was not there beside him is to blame. The same accident could have happened with the parent being a few feet away, but if he wasn't there it's a clear case of neglect.
Keeping parents in a state of constant fear is good, but raising generations of ever more fearful citizens is even better. The child raised under constant supervision from parents, teachers and busybodies will grow up as an adult quite willing to accept constantly being watched, for their own safety. Fears change faces - the pedophile lurking in the dark is replaced by the evil Russian spy or the suicidal terrorist, but the end result is the same - you understand you need protection and you welcome it.
For my part, I’ve managed to overcome my fears and my little boy had his fun, the only damage being a fall when another child tripped him. And he proved he’s not a pussy - the football field nearby was off limits, but he still slipped through the fence to join other kids playing ball. At least he knows some rules are meant to be broken!

Thanks for reading