What are the most primal drivers of human behavior?
I am in the midst of some kind of crisis. It is not a panic but the exact opposite - nothing new has happened in some time.
There are several big drivers of human behavior. Freedom and security, to use broad strokes to describe I think the general two primaries.
But what good is freedom when you have no power?
What good is security when you have nearly nothing to lose and are so used to losing things that what little you have, even your life, has at best mere perfunctory, obligatory necessary actions demanded?
In fact, the burden I don't seem to even often feel anymore. Or at least, my resistance is gone.
At the moment, I simply don't care about anything because nothing seems new. I am not learning anything, although I am noticing I don't struggle with stuff so much. For me life right now is like water on a duck's back. It isn't really touching me anymore or causing a memorable mark on me.
So, I think that humans also have primal need to learn. I think I am just already studied in what I am immersed in, and nothing surprises me or triggers a strong reaction.
Some might say to me that I am depressed. I am not, rather, anything I can think of has the same, grey sense of obligation around it and I have mostly given up asking or even looking for what I am not even sure I want anyway...
Nothing is making me curious
Nothing seems new.
Maybe if you have been watching me for a while you may have thought I might just have been deflated by the difficulties.
Well, the asthma was hard, and still I have some lingering. The salbutamol supply is still sufficient and I am eating a lot less and sitting still and warm as much as I can and walking and shivering much less. I am recovering, because I gave up struggling, mainly.
But I am feeling bored. Ideas are my spirit fuel. I have picked all the low hanging fruit... A fundamental, tectonic change has taken place behind the limen of my mind.
Saying this has been the most novel thing that has happened all day.
Now, back to the scheduled programming...
We can't stop here! This is Whale country!
Loki was born in Australia, now is wandering Amsterdam again after 9 months in Sofia, Bulgaria. IT generalist, physics theorist, futurist and cyber-agorist. Loki's life mission is to establish a secure, distributed layer atop the internet, and enable space migration, preferably while living in a beautiful mountain house somewhere with a good woman, and lots of farm animals and gardens, where he can also go hunting and camping.
I'm a thoughtocaster, a conundrummer in a band called Life Puzzler. I've flipped more lids than a monkey in a soup kitchen, of the mind. - Xavier, Renegade Angel
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All images in the above post are either original from me, or taken from Google Image Search, filtered for the right of reuse and modification, and either hotlinked directly, or altered by me
"Tectonic change"? What do you think of the growing/expanding earth ideas? If they have substance, and if you're at all tuned in, disquiet is not surprising.
I believe all of spacetime is expanding. I just have no fear, or desire right now. Just boredom. I am not naive to think my state is a general reflection of the Other either.
But there is a sense of some trigger having been set off that will have broad consequences soon.
I'm not meaning to suggest a single cause for what you describe, it's just that "tectonic" stood out. As did "limen". I think I've only seen it used by William Gibson before.
Limen means edge and tectonic means on a scale between City and planet. I read every Gibson book voraciously until pattern recognition. Yes, I think there is a rumbling under our feet. But I can't put my finger on it.
I just feel incredibly serene. I just can't get excited about anything. The asthma forced my mind still and - well, I quite like not caring at the moment.
Maybe the big dreams I have at last set all the pieces in motion and now I can sit back and munch on the popcorn.
Are you familiar with Glassers' Reality Theory?
Where on the scale of five basic needs are you now ?
It was a long journey for you and it is only natural to feel somewhat empty.
Well, I am alive, but I lack love belonging power and freedom. Had I not been given a ticket to SteemFEST, I probably would be back in Sofia still. My plan B here is purely waiting and a little administrivia. Getting so sick destroyedy my ability to make plan A - to network and maybe find some place I belonged.
After 4 years with none of these things, I am tired. I have run out of ideas and I can't do anything productive with my laptop's screen and .... Whiiiine.
When I haven't got anything to say that I think anyone wants to hear, nothing new that I want to say, no freedom to do anything outside my brain box... Just the same day over again, nothing to talk about that I can show results.
Just have to wait for processes or maybe new info. For now I am focusing on getting comfortable with nothing.
It isn't for nothing I ended up lost in Italy last autumn. I did not want to be here. I hate Amsterdam. Especially at this time of year, on foot and homeless you really are stuck.
I feel for you.
Of course, I am in no position to tell you what to do but ... from your words ... Southern Europe would be a great choice during winter :)
If I was to move someplace I would go to Sardinia :)
Get well. And then you'll see...
Good luck!
My plan is pretty simple - I can get a welfare payment here, and in 10 days time I have a place to sleep and warm dinners every day and this automatically satisfies a requirement of them knowing where I am sleeping. I could maybe fast forward it a little but their procedure for checking where you are gets complicated when sometimes I will be in here at Stoelenproject, and a council worker showing up at my outside sleeping place might mean I can't use it anymore... Nosy neighbours are the rule here.
So I figure I get that started, and save all my payments and maybe beginning of I disappear to Serbia, where I can rent an apartment and get a job, and if I don't tell them I am gone maybe I can still get the last two months payments.
It isn't a long term solution but rather a way to overcome the startup capital obstacle. Staying here in the Netherlands, I would never be able to get ongoing accommodation with the money, which is frustrating because I could get work here that pays way more... But even though I can't earn as much over there, it is enough to live well.
I have been struggling for 3 years to properly breach the obstacle and I lost so much money on Bitcoin last year when I did have a job. I broke a rule I sorta knew I should not have - accepting more hours - had I read the contract I would have realised there is no extra pay and quickly it became obvious that everyone in the company who took on night shifts would leave within a few months after being taken for granted. And I didn't rent with a formal lease which further made things difficult, a job, residency permit, and I would have been able to get a small loan and got better set up...
I just didn't realise how little I would have to talk about with no computer, my laptop screen went funny from Bavarian weather, and it is very difficult to use. I was going to start writing some python scripts to implement some ideas I have. Now I have nothing to do it on. I can't fix the damned thing and I can't sell it for enough to get something to replace it.
Well, such is life...
Why don't you start a Steemit crowdfunding for a decent laptop? Your input here is valuable and valued. I am sure that people will chip in.
Well, a little while back, ironically as I was fully committed to my journey, I was told by a curation guild member, not sure which, that soliciting in my posts excludes me from their votes. Yes it was a bit of a kick in the nuts, and is also why I ended up so long stuck in Bavaria.
I don't think they are voting for me any more anyway, not since SteemFEST at least.
I think I can find ways to continue to get rewards, study something, then try to teach it better than from the material I learned. It is probably good anyway, since several key concepts in some distributed network protocol concepts I have need me to understand this.
Besides this, in my situation, any number of things could happen to a laptop. Only something tough and waterproof can be relied upon. For now it is water, temps at 9 and under with 80% humidity is pretty rough on electronics. After the temperature drops well under zero, then there is cold. Last year in Romania and Bulgaria I had some incredible problems with cold and lithium batteries, although here finding power is not so hard, nor must I hunt for food.
Really the problem was no water protection for my laptop. It would take $50 to replace the screen, and most likely I would not be stuck so long with no water cover.
But I am tired of begging. Too Long I am begging, I did manage to get into a job, but even then the first month I was working while still on the street, and it made a bad impression and added stress that led to the job being untenable after 3 months.
I will just meditate myself solutions... I just won't be as prolific as before, because my life here is much more controlled by situation than it was in Bulgaria, and means I take longer for the necessary recovery time, more important the depth of sleep, and the constant distraction from the many stupid and drunkard people around me.
But I will be ok. Just takes an adjustment of my habits to maximise my outcomes in the different circumstances.
(reply depth limit reached)
I see. Sorry for throwing smart ideas at you.
I can also see that your experience taught you things that I don't even realize.
About curation guilds - some of their rules are to binding or narrow. Life with its situations needs a broader view and approach.
Check out this conversation. With some kind of grants system in place the community could invest into projects like yours is. I am certain that this could be one of the future apps on the steem platform.
OK, take care! Better and better.
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