The 3 Kinds of Bullshiters You Will Meet In Your Life

We all have come across them. They often seem irresistible as if made from hot creamy chocolate. All 3 fall under the general category of “Charlatanism”, so feel free to interchange their “charismas”. These guys can make you cry and laugh at the same time.


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The Politician

Here is a thought experiment. You ask a friend to describe their plan for this summer. He goes like this “This is a very interesting and important question my friend. No doubt, I will invest my time in something important this summer. This summer is of vital importance and time owes to be invested to it. Before I answer the question though, let us dwelve a little bit into the past and address an even more important question. What do we all owe to do this summer? As a community, as a great nation with a glorious history?!; what do we owe to do for ourselves and our fellow human beings? Personally, this summer I will do something meaningful and I guarantee you I will have a great time! We all owe to have a great time this magnificent summer!”

Even if hope should have abandon our solar system by now, you continue asking: “Yeah, but what will you do?”

“What I will do involves three key points! Firstly, it will be summery. Secondly, it will be enjoyable! Thirdly, I promise it will be viable! For the last few summers I said that I would do something similar and I did it! This summer won’t be any different! Mark my words!”

Politicians talk like this because they have to represent a lot of people. Celebrities, leaders and other popular folk often bullshit their way through to avoid specifics. They need to generalise as much as possible in order to satisfy everyone and avoid projecting any negativity. The truth is that they are full of shit. We all know deep inside they are full of shit but we play along. It is not their fault. They feed on our naive interpretation and acceptance. They became popular because of this fake tactic even if their glary eyes and glued face expressions make Chancelor Palpatine look like a kitten.


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The Oracle

Usually an avid economist. This guy knows the fucking future alright. He uses “because” much like a time traveler would. He makes predictions in every other statement based on his special sources. Interestingly enough, he never really predicts anything, unless it is something along the lines of “This road guarantees the flow of 4-wheel mechanical entities” or “There is an economic crash/growth/stability coming”.

Assuming roads do indeed accommodate cars and economies go through circles, there is nothing really to predict. If this guy knew exactly what was going on he wouldn’t bother talking so much. Most of his predictions fall under the spectrum of “No-shit-Sherlock” or they are so into the future even Highlander would have trouble coming across them if they ever occurred.

Be careful with this guy, especially when he starts talking about money. If he starts voicing sentences like “Look, is not like I am trying to give you advice about X stock/equity/asset etc, but here is what is going to happen”, then avoid like the bubonic plague.


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The Spiritualist

“Our minds are incarnating the universe, reflecting back unconscious intrinsic truths”. See what I did there? Here is another one: “Your heart drives unparalleled potentiality that unlocks quantum belonging”. If you have fallen in the past for any similar sophisms, don’t worry. Shoot yourself. Almost all spiritualists and psycholo-philosophers talk like that. It’s easy. Take 3 mysteriously elegant and mind-heart provocative words like “love”, “compassion” and “belonging” and jumble them up in positive messages like: “In order to construct positive energy we owe to build love on true compassionate communication that enforces belonging”.

Here is a link doing it automatically for you if you ever get bored

The last phrase I mentioned is actually picked up and paraphrased from a certain individual here on Steemit with over a thousand followers. Makes you wonder if we are indeed living in an Idiocracy or if someone has dropped me in on this planet as punishment. All the “negativity” aside, I will actually sit and listen to these guys and relax. They are so much full of it, the mind indeed goes numb; perhaps to protect itslf from burning up— or perhaps it is connecting with the quantum consciousness of reflective serenity...

Don’t avoid this guy. Make him your friend instead. Invite him to parties and perhaps, just perhaps, he will divide by zero and the universe will cease to exist.