Struggle Inside

in #life2 years ago (edited)

Here I am thinking should I still continue doing this? Should I try so hard and knowing at the end it will fade away... Like a losing battle gaining nothing, trying to uplift oneself by telling -- hey, I can be a good writer. I can make a fantastic blog that people can be amazed and wondered. Should I stop this? Should I just go back to the reality where I just live like a rat running inside the exercise wheel? Felt trap with the same routine again and again.

I'm trying to study things I have never done before. Trying to understand ways that I don't really understand at all... Should I just give up and let time flies by?

Sometimes I'd wish to be like a rock or anything that is inanimate. No feelings, no pain, just nothing and just let things happen. Why life could not be just simple as it is?

When I was a baby you just cry and your parents will give you a bottle of milk but when you grow up, you have to learn that you can not have it all. You have to earn it, perspire from it, and you can't depend your parents all the time because they have their limits. When my parents died, it's so hard to live because I was not trained to stand up on my own but it's my turning point to wake up and look for a job.

It so hard to get a job you like or that fits you so whatever jobs that are avaible, I took it but never stayed in one job. I hop and hop to another job and it never satisfied me. I never got what I want nor felt that my job is paying me enough. I tried joining MLMs but it's not my thing. It's so hard to get people to join me and I just wasted money buying products that I am compelled buying.

Time goes by, I thought that Bitcoin might be the salvation of my entrapment from not enough money to spend a day well. Got scammed by HYIPs, joined another MLM, lost money, then, tried again and again... So I thought, maybe, blogging is my thing? An online side job that might give me time and financial freedom. Am I fooling myself? What kind of topic should I post?? Oh make a post about things I have been using on my bitcoin adventure... Left the Group Chat because I don't myself enforced by others to write stories because I wanted to get votes... Then, at the end... You will be needing readers, followers, etc... It's the same feeling again. Freedom is so hard catch. It's the only thing that I can't feel right now. So, I tried to write out of nowhere, just to release what I'm thinking of. I don't care if they going to read this, I don't care if I get an upvote or what.

I only hope that someday when I'm going to be successful, I hope that when I turn back to read this post and that time I would just smile with teary eyes saying "Is this me? What the hell am I doing?"

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Don't think too much. Forget about yourself and just do whatever feels good. Sooner or later you will find something fulfilling.

You do not have the obligation to be successful. You are free to be a bum if it makes you happy.

Freedom starts with the intention to be free, even from the obligation to be free...

Thanks, I just wanted to release my feelings...

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Wow, what can I say?

Thank you so much

I highly appreciated this...