Living with ASD

I see a lot of articles about "ASD parents" and when I read them, they're about neurotypical(Such an awkward word. I prefer "nypical") parents of ASD kids and not, as I'd hoped, parents who actually have ASD. As the meme says, I am disappoint.

I want to find out how other parents with ASD manage things, damnit. I guess I've always been ahead of my time in that way.

Another thing I've grown to despise is the inherent "tragedy" of having a kid on the spectrum. Excuse you, what? What the flying heck, people? You nypicals have no idea what it's like to pilot life inside the spectrum, but having a kid who's anything like me is a "tragedy"? I'm not normally violent, but I seriously want to slap you.

Do none of these parents remember when their little bundle of joy was fresh into the world and, paranoid, they would check that their sleeping infant was still breathing?

I know I lost count of the number of times I checked for breathing happening from my slumbering infants, that's for certain.

Dear Nypicals: There are way worse things than "losing" a child to Autism. You haven't lost your child. They're right there. Alive. Otherwise healthy. And apparently, you lot can't be arsed spending a little extra effort in learning new ways to communicate with your kid. And there are a few parents who actually kill their autistic kids and the media treats them like a mercy killer.

Since when did being different be a fate worse than death?

No, I'd really like to know. Why is being disabled -mentally or physically- so freaking terrifying to y'all?

It's one of the things I just don't get. And as an Autistic Adult, I still have difficulty with these apparently basic concepts. But I can take a guess.

This is what happens when "different" is ostracised from society. You live in -say- an all-white neighbourhood with nothing but Western food, the first POC to wander into your field of experience is Other, and therefore terrifying. I've heard of this being called "bubbling" or being "bubbled". The hypothetical 'you' is trapped inside this little force-field of comfort where everything "normal" is good and right, and everything different is strange, new, and scary.

Welp. I am not normal. I accept this, and it's taken some significant time to be at home with myself. There's still a big chunk of self-hatred in there, because public education is filled with the wilfully ignorant and that kind of atmosphere is never good for a well-rounded psyche... BUT... at least I can distract myself away from my own dark thoughts. Music from my favourite band helps heaps, there. And, for the record, I don't think I've actually scared a lot of people in my daily life.

Both of my kids are on The Spectrum. K is in the Asperger's range with me, and T is a little less able to pretend to be normal. She stims by bouncing and humming, and would much rather play with her iPad or watch cartoons than interact with people. Heck, Hubby and I are on The Spectrum. Hubby goes non-verbal when he's involved in something that dominates his processing power (which is very annoying to me). And we're all huge nerds, and we love it.

T's latest hero is Ren from The Force Awakens and she loves playing Ghostbusters, and watching all sorts of cartoons from the minds of Genndy Tartakovsky or Lauren Faust. Since the family has gone Keto, she's a little bit more involved in social interactions than she used to be. But she will never be "normal".

Well. Let me tell you about normal, from my own observations.

• Normal will verbally abuse people because they are different
• Normal will mock people because they move differently
• Normal will go up to someone and affect all the physical and verbal indicators of: cerebral palsy, extreme myopia, and deafness... and then say, "My name's [YOUR NAME HERE], what's your disability?"
• Normal will physically abuse people because they are different
• Normal will invent and spread slander about people because they are different
• Normal will make daily life a living hell for the different
• Normal will actually tell the different, to their face, to kill themselves

This is just the shit I have dealt with. As someone who could get pretty close in their "normalcy act".

And it doesn't matter if that difference is mental or physical. Normal people will do this. Hell, even the President Elect of the US has done this. And Normal loved him for it, apparently. I mean, he won...

[And that's probably the first and last time I'll not refer to him as the Annoying Orange on my blog. I do not like that man for multiple reasons, including the way he would theoretically treat me]

Normal, for me, is problematic. This does not mean I automatically hate and despise normal people. Many of you nypicals are quite nice and well-prepared for an atypical like me. Huzzah. That said, the portion of the other ones... are too many. Especially in childhood.

As the late, great, Julius Sumner-Miller once said, "Why is this so?"

I think it has to do with Bubbling.

We Bubble our kids. We keep them away from the gore and the nasty stuff [I'm cool with that TBH] but we also feed them Kiddies Media, which rarely features anyone different. Even the rainbow talking animals don't have a main character who needs some help unless it's a Very Special Episode.

Seen once, mentioned once, and then forgotten is not the way to produce awareness and instigate knowledge. And tokenism isn't the best way to do it, but it's a lot better than the Very Special Episode.

I applaud the new Kiddies Shows who include the different? But the cast is usually three white boys, one girl, and one black kid in a wheelchair. Or worse, three white boys and one black girl in a wheelchair. Ticking all the checkboxes in a rushed character so the executives can pat themselves on the back. That's... annoying. And it's happening too often with new Kidvids.

I keep getting the feeling that they could try harder. Why not a team of POC girls with a token white boy? Or a near-even mix of genders and colours? And a mix of abilities. You don't have to tick all your checkboxes in one character.

And when you're representing Autism, that character doesn't have to be the silent kid who is Very Obviously Autistic. Give the audiences some credit. How about a more subtly autistic character? What's wrong with having a detective who stims or has chewellery[1]?

I know what's wrong with having all this inclusion. It scares the Normals. They're so into their little Bubble that any attempt at decent representation gets howled down as "political correctness run wild", and other nonsense. Normal doesn't like the new and strange when it's been in its Bubble for too long. And then it actively fights against it. Sometimes, they even use guns.

Remind me, please... what's so great about being Normal?

I don't think I can contain that much hate for the Other. I don't even hate the Hateful Normals. I... just can't fathom how they got that far. That's not me.

But then, I've spent my entire life fascinated by the new and the different. I like new things. They're cool and interesting. You should try them, sometime. It's never too late to get some education.

Heck. You can even ask me questions. I'll answer anything you ask as truthfully as possible.

[1] Okay. Now I feel the need to educate some nypicals who may be confused. "Stim" or "stimming" is derived from 'stimulation', a sensory or physical activity that helps us ASD folks diffuse emotions or otherwise deal with them. For instance, I flap my hands or 'type' with my fingers when I'm nervous, and if I have really short hair, I stroke it for the sensory feedback when I'm stressed. Chewellery is a portamento of "chew" and "jewellery", chewable jewellery, get it? Many ASD people like to chew things, and this is the safe option.

(Picture © Can Stock Photo / kgtoh)