Bulletproof
Sometimes I fantasize about a perfect state of impenetrable calm. This happens a lot before family gatherings. I guess it's how I prepare.
I imagine this calm to be a physical place - glowing white and palest blue fluffy clouds. I sit in the centre in lotus position, ensconced on a hovering cloud, my fingers in some kind of esoteric mudra. The calm is so dense that hurtful words can't penetrate. Old family barbs can't snag me. In my imaginary cocoon world of perfect calm, I am bulletproof.
Obviously, this is a fantasy born of fear. Fear of being hurt. Essentially, I am wishing I had armour. Big, fluffy clouds of calm armour. And it never works.
Like most of us, I have a complicated relationship with my family. We haven't always been good to each other. But recently, the tectonic plates beneath our dynamic have been shifting and things are looking up. I can feel something unclenching deep inside.
I've been thinking that radical vulnerability is the true bulletproof method. Imagine Neo, not dodging the bullets, not stopping them, but allowing them to pass through him without harm.
In trying to protect myself from hurt, I focused on hurt. I used to spend days after an event dissecting conversations and feeling wounded. I judged and criticized and felt like my calm utopia got hijacked.
Radical vulnerabilty means going in without armour because you don't need it. I am working on changing my focus from the scared little me inside to the person outside addressing me. If they are trying to hurt me, what is going on with them?
It works. Not to say I don't get shot here and there, but it no longer matters as much. Like yoga, it is worth practising.
Question: How do you make yourself bulletproof? Or do you have another method?
Now, y'all had to see this coming. ; )
Happy Friday! Let's dance.
Great post and thanks for letting us into your approach to being Bulletproof!
I try to be myself without compromise as much as possible!
That's a great strategy. It is a skill to know yourself well enough to be confident about how to be yourself.
I think you nailed it. It's not an easy thing to do, but vulnerability will allow you to process everything.
"You give your energy to that which you resist; you thereby give life to the very thing you seek to destroy."
The more we resist feelings and challenges the more they stick around. Being vulnerable, like you said, allows them to pass right through you. You might even have good experiences when you are open to anything.
I like going in expecting a positive experience and seeing what happens. Like, I know it might not be worth much, but expecting the best to happen seems like it would make it more likely, and would definitely puts me in the right space to encourage it from others.
My .02 :)
Awesome read
I like that quote. Yes to expecting a positive experience. That helps to take off the armour. Looking for the good stuff means you see more of it. Great comment!