Journal: Miss my friend, don't miss the apps

I've had a friend I always message online for some years now, maybe 2 or 3 years.

We met at a summer French immersion program. She's extremely smart, pretty, and kind .... at least with me.

The only problem is that I came to be completely enamored with her. I would always message her when I got up or right before bed. She would always send back something nice, smart, or just really well thought out back.

The problem from my perspective was that I was essentially taking a lot of energy to write and take pictures but once I'd send them off on Snapchat, they essentially go down a blackhole.

We live in completely different cities and honestly I'm absolutely not her type of guy. So because of this I was putting a lot of energy in a direction that would never really come back my way.

I decided I would delete Snapchat, Facebook, Messanger not to mention change my habits. Of course I have other people who message me on these apps but the situation is the same. They are people I know but they're kind of ... completely removed from my real life.

The next day I put so much energy into my blog. First as another way to vent, and secondly just as a way to send out some positive energy that might get back to me. Who knows maybe my future girlfriend could be out there reading my writing, looking at my pictures, and thinking this guy is kind of weird and unique ... but I like it.

My friend is such an amazing person but I know shes completely fine without my funny little messages. She's emotionally stable, responsible, and just has everything together.

I was the one she was helping because I needed someone to talk to and she was there. Now in that same way I feel like I have a chance to maybe slightly inspire some other people ... out there in the universe. People who might be completely lost like I was, you'd have to be to find inspiration in my posts :p :-)

Even now I'd like to message her, and maybe I will. It's all about moderation.

One thing I definitely won't do is install Snapchat or Facebook on my phone again. It is so easy to get drawn into the mode where you get a notification and you drop everything (including your thoughts) to see what it is.

Usually anything I receive is positive and puts a little smile on my face. But still it takes me out of whatever else it was I'm doing. These apps essentially work to become your center of attention at all times.

Side note: I just noticed the word "enamored" looks like "en amour" which means "in love" in French. I wonder if that is the origin of the word?