I Live to serve

This morning I am starting training for a new project at work. To give some context, I have been diagnosed with learning disorder and am very nervous to start training in the corporate environment. I have been doing my job for 3.5 years now and have become comfortable and familiar with the work, and now I am about to start something completely new and learn from scratch.

It should be exciting for me to shake things up a bit, but instead I feel terrified because I fear everyone will see my difficulties with learning. At the same time, I look forward to this process because I will be facing one of my biggest fears, and I can observe myself within it to see what exactly it is that I go through.

This morning I woke up 'terrified' of being in the position of learning something new in a group, due to the fears of being exposed for not understanding. This comes from school years where I was usually the last one to get it, and would hide my not understanding for as long as possible, until it would be exposed in some way eventually.

I have seen that, in already applying myself to live solutions for this issue in my life, I have been slowing myself down in the learning process, and making sure I don't miss a step. Also, allowing myself to live within that discomfort of 'not getting it right away', not judging these moments of suspense, but rather gliding through them as I piece things together.

My support word for today will be 'observe', wherein, I will look at this as more like an experiment where I am objectively observing the results, analyzing them and seeking solutions. Non judgments here, just observations, where I ob-SERVE myself in the learning process, as this is a service to myself, from myself. I serve me as I break down my barriers to learning. This observing is a serving, a service I am doing for myself, by myself.

We'll see how it goes today and I will write a recap when I get home!