Calmness - What Lies Beneath

In my last blog titled "Calmness - From Band-aide to Living Expression Step One" I depolarized the positive part of 'calmness'
(https://steemit.com/life/@kimzilla/calmness-from-band-aide-to-living-expression-step-one).

In this blog I am taking care of the negative - the panic in my case- to really take responsibility for how and why I create this experience that I then feel the need to hide from and escape through using the experience of 'calm' to cover it up with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and generate panic within myself and my life whenever I look to do something that is outside my comfort zone, something new or something unscripted.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and manifest an internal 'panic' as a default experience for myself whenever I have to face or confront something new and different because of my other default programming that I go into in which I tell myself that I will fail, I am not good enough my voice does not count as much, and others will judge me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into, create and manifest panic due to fear, fear of failure, fear of judgment and fear of the unknown.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear failing, because I know there is really no such thing, there is only giving up - or falling, learning and picking myself back up, and I know that I can and will always choose the latter.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear of judgment of others because I know that the only judgment is self-judgment, and when I make up scenarios in my mind of others judging me, I am really just showing myself where I am judging myself, thus, in bringing it back to self I see that I have complete control over this whole play-out, I simply have to take self-responsibility, forgive, let go and change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the unknown, instead of seeing and realizing that this is also default programming that prevent self-expansion, and that I have walked bravely into the unknown so many times, each time learning and growing and getting to know myself more, and never once regretting it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into panic when 'I feel my voice doesn't count as much', as a form of helplessness and dis-empowerment, when I KNOW that I am empowered, even in this moment, to be there for me like never before, in such an unconditional and caring way that shows me that I am truly self-empowered to take everything back to myself, take self-responsibility, forgive, let go and change, to truly be and do that for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and manifest panic when I feel overwhelmed and don't understand my experience, don't know what to do and feel insecure and confused, instead of seeing and realizing that I can stop placing so much pressure on myself in moments of panic, and instead really be there for myself to support myself in a slowing-down and finding stability, and then afterwards look at what happened and determine the why's and the how's and the how to change and stop it.

When and as I see myself going into a panic, I stop and I breathe, I bring myself back to stability by using that moment as an eternal moment of slowing down and being there for me, I remind myself that I got this, I know what I am doing when it comes to bringing myself back here to presence and awareness within and as real internal calmness, and knowing that with practice, it will become easier.

I commit myself to be there for me unconditionally in moments where I feel overwhelmed and panicked, creating the time and space I need to breathe myself back here as real calm, here with my physical body, in and as stability.

I commit myself to face the panic that comes up within and as me, and to stand up from within it, knowing that I can handle this, I got this, and I have all the tools of support I need to face anything within myself.