On Depression : What keeps you going?

I often asked myself why at this moment, nothing seems to drag my thoughts to the ground anymore. Probably because, I’ve been depressed several times - or more than a lot. .and I guess whenever we experience or having something too often well start to know how to deal with it, or on the non-bright side, we’ll let it eat us up.. right?

During childhood and high school years, I had episodes of depression unknowingly. Maybe because, I was put in situations without enough guidance, how to deal with things, how to stand up for myself, so as usual, I decided to keep it down. Hold it in and endure everything.

But as time goes by, I realized I was very wrong for thinking as long as i keep it bottled up it’s for the goodness of things, then it will be fine. Then I start to taught myself how to “this is not right” “this is not fine” “love yourself” and fight for your self. And I guess when you know that you are valuable, you’ll be loving yourself, you’ll be more sensitive to your own feelings:

I’m not allowed to feel this sad or this bad.
I don’t deserve this kind of treatment.
I don’t have to keep myself always the one below, because I, too, deserve to be like this- loved, accepted, unconditionally.

This is how a child and an adolescent should say, repeat after one self.

Now that I’m in the stage of adulting, where responsibilities and self development is the turning point, I started to have a different kind of depression: the depression for hope.

Where am I going?
What’s happening to my life?
Will I be successful? If yes, when?

Self doubt.
Can I do it?

At times when I feel despondent about everything that’s happening, seeing simple beauty around me make me realize one thing: that I have to try and try again until my chance of regress will completely gone. It may take sometime but, it’s not impossible. :)

How about you? Tell me what keeps you going.

Thanks for dropping by!