It took a few months to decide what I really want to accomplish in the next several years while I was  trying to chase the mirage of my dreams. I realized that life is getting intimidating day by day; Paths are getting darker. But why shouldn't I try for the better chances?

 My dream changed so rapidly that I could hardly count on the way of attainment to search where I could find myself vying my own idea,  by impulsing my existence.
Fate made me bend my knees because I hardly found the right path to bed down with decency and. I named this obnoxious chapter of my life  "Pain" .

There is a quote by Isaac Asimov,

"VIOLENCE IS THE LAST REFUGEE TO THE INCOMPETENT"

I was shattering my life by inclining to the drugs and marijuana which I swore not to take. What could I possibly do when My dreams to be an Aeronautical Engineer got broken? The offer letter from the Military Institute OF Science And Technology was in my hand, but I failed to live my dreams.

I born in a middle class family where my father is only person who earns. I probably got the chance in the best university with huge tuition fee. But there is no other university where I could study Aeronautics in our country. that's why parents forced me to study in electrical engineering which I didn't like. I had no independence to chase my own dream.
Frustration was in my vein. I didn't find the way to mitigate myself from this situation.

"LACK OF MONEY IS THE ROOT OF ALL EVIL" -George Bernard Shaw

I was just searching for a bank from where I could take a small study loan or sell a plot owned by my father. I sent email everyday to the university to give me at least 50% scholarships but they did not even reply. I really wanted to study on that subject. Lastly I found banks with huge interests, no customers to sell that plot. I even thought to borrow money from one of my rich friends. But I forgot to think how my parents were going to pay these amount of money to my friend. I could hardly sleep at night, always thinking where I could get some money. Started part time jobs but not even close to one semester fees installment. I cried at night. for one seat there were 34 competitor, and I was one of them who got chance but had hardly enough money to admit, though the admission form was bought by my father.

Few days ago I met my mentor on the street who just came from abroad.He completed his bachelor in Radio Astronomy from Moscow institute of physics and technology. His first quote was,

" I never seen dark spot this much black on someones eyes before, what happened to you?"

I literally had nothing to do but explain everything what I expected and what happened. then he explained elaborately about his tragic situation that he passed.
he was always curious about astronomy.But his parents wasn't. They wanted him to stay in Bangladesh,complete his bachelor from university,get married and look after his family. But his dream was far far ahead.After Hsc he got chance in BUET (one of the leading university in Bangladesh for science and technology).But he wasn't satisfied.He wanted better; a better knowledge,a better way to learn something advanced.But where you have self- inspiration,you have pessimism too because it dies for your near situations. But Surprisingly he got a scholarship from Russia as I told first.But his family strictly enjoined him to go to abroad to study, and he didn't listen. He went to Moscow,Completed his bachelor and joined as a lecturer in the same university . 

Personally I saw him getting bullied by his friends as a nerd or mentally retarded. But today he's standing strong and having what he wanted, a simple life.
He said," everyone has to confront the reality and your reality is that you can't study on the subject you want. God gives what really good for the people. Take what your parents can afford as a blessing. do the right thing to change your fate. take your dream as a sacred anthology."
Longtime I wanted to research something, when I got into that beautiful world of electronics, I started to believe that every creation of God is adequately opulent. I start to find nectars on every pages, knowing different things everyday. But still I am not that 100% I am what I was in the past.
To chase that I need my beautiful old , candid,naive, fool and curious existence back who always accepts his own weirdness. That beautiful version of myself. 

In the past few months, that teacher helped me to become normal.  taught, God does not give everything. the faster you accept it, the more go forward

 Tomorrow is the first day at my university, Subject EEE . But this time I accept it with heart, and This time,

"I WELCOME MYSELF TO MY NEW LIFE"