Living with a child with ADHD, UPDATED from earlier posts... HANG IN THERE, ITS NOT FOREVER.

When I joined Steemit back in July 2016 I wrote 3 posts about Living with A child with ADHD Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. I wrote these for people going through what I had gone though, hoping to help some with a little insight into what we went through and how we dealt with problems. Its been a while now so thought I would re-post the 3 posts but put them into 1 post plus giving you an update now she is an adult.

I am hoping people who read this will see its not forever, the hard times do end and believe me if you stick to your rules and guidelines you will see a massive different in them when they get older, it doesn't have to end badly there is definitely hope.

I am going back 23 years.
PART 1
Having my 1st child was new to us, it was hard really hard but thinking she was our first it would be, we battled on family saying things "does she ever stop" "isn't it time she calmed down" plus many more , family wouldn't look after her as they couldn't handle her, she hardly slept, she was on the go all the time it was exhausting.

We joined the local mother & toddlers as soon as we could as I thought it would help her being amongst other children her age plus then I could see how those children reacted to things. Straight away there was a difference, she was straight in without thinking, throwing things around, climbing on things and people , thankfully everyone there were pretty understanding and helped me with her by giving me a break. Jess was one of the youngest there so when the other children started getting tired Jess was still going strong. She didn't sleep through the day she only slept a few hours through the night so you can imagine me and hubby were shattered.

My local nursery started taking children in from 3 years old, I enrolled her thinking starting school and getting into a routine would help calm her... NOT A CHANCE Every single day I was asked to come through as they needed to talk about her actions, She wouldn't settle for reading time, she wouldn't play with the others, she got angry really quickly, There was always something, thankfully the nursery teacher was amazing she gave me something to read, she wasn't too clued up on it as she had never seen it like this. The paper was headed ADHD, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder.

I searched the internet, I read as much as I could, I joined clubs online anything to give me some information on this and something to tell me my child does NOT have a problem but everything I read said she did.

When we took her to the Doctors they referred us straight away, took a few months to get seen and the Doctor was a good 45 minute drive away but my daughter came first.

We were with the Doctor for a good 2 hours, he observed Jessica and everything she did, climbing on the furniture, trying to climb onto the nurses head, throwing things , she never stopped the whole time. It took a couple of visits before we got the result, ADHD with the chance of Co-Morbids meaning there could be other problems probably masked by the ADHD.

We where advised on 2 options medication (Ritalin) or diet, of course we opted for the diet The Fienngold Diet

PART 2
I finished off when we started on the Feingold Diet, This is a diet that you really have to go back to basics no additives, preservatives, colours or E's, You start again clear everything out and start anew. I decided if Jess had to do this I would do it with her. I had to learn to everything myself, baking bread at 2am to make sure she had something to eat for breakfast. Its a hard diet t put a child, the only sweets she could eat at the time was Ice Cream Chewits, she soon got sick of them, Parties were the worse as she had to take a lunch box with her own food or dinners at school her friends sitting with there dinners whilst she had to have to special plate from the cook. We managed quite a while slowly adding things back into her diet to see what caused the problems.

We had to decide what was the worse her hyperactivity with eating these foods or the anger outburst she had because she couldn't have what her friends were having. Jess didn't have many friends as she was to much of a handle so missed out on sleep overs, going to friends for tea.

After a long hard discussion we decided to try out the medication. There was so much going around about Ritalin at the time we had a lot of doubts but talking to her Psychologist helped us.

We still were very doubtful about these but we wanted the best for her, she had no friends she hardly ever got invited to friends parties, teachers were always complaining about her, we couldn't even go shopping with herBUT after taking one dose things changed. She took a small dose before school, THE DIFFERENCE WAS ASTOUNDING she was a different child, easy to deal with, no temper tantrums, smiling instead of screaming and crying. She went into school with a smile and came out with one without being asked to speak to a teacher, they actually praised her when she left WELL DONE JESS YOU HAVE BEEN A STAR Can you imagine how happy she was when she heard that, can you imagine how happy we were.

We carried on with the medication until Jess reached 14 then she decided she didn't want to take them anymore, her choice we weren't going to force her. Jess only took her tablets for school time so she got an education, she had a life now with friends but at weekend we let Jess be Jess and let her run around and play grounds and long walks to burn off her energy. She was never perfect with them but 50% better was a massive difference.

When she was on medication you could have a good conversation with her, we could go places and see family but when she was off medication she was completely different and very angry. " she pushed me down the stairs in anger" " she picked up a rolled carpet and through it at me whist coming downstairs" " she kicked me in the head whilst driving a long the motorway because she had no juice left" This wasn't just for our safety it was for Jess's too, One day we found her on the windowsill hanging outside her window, all the windows and doors had to be locked all the time. If she got angry when she was eating she would end up Throwing her knifes and forks at you. The medications helped her and us a lot.

SHE THEN TURNED 14

PART 3

Raising a child with ADHD they need strict border lines and guideline, for example, times they have to be home for, you have to stick to what you say if you are planning a trip out keep them informed on what times you are leaving and stick to it, stick to your timetable. They need to know what's happening and when. Raising my daughter has been the most hardest thing I have had to do.

Once Jess decided she didn't want to take anymore medication things went down hill for while, she was having problems for a while so we had to look at things again have more meeting with the school, at one point she nearly got expelled. I felt like I was trying to steer her in the right direction plus fighting with teachers who didn't believe in ADHD.

An ADHD brain has no off switch, there is so much going on the can't focus one one thing, they hear the other students, they hear doors slamming plus all the noises from outside. There brain is constantly on the go.

Jessica is now 24 this month, she has a job, she has friends she has a life, when things get to complicated she sits back calls me and we talk her through it. Her life is still complicated pus she has also been diagnosed with ODD oppositional defiance disorder & Asperger's. As she has got older we have found the ADHD has masked her other problems.

We look back and laugh now at some of our struggles , we got through it, we are still a family and Jess is on the right track, things could have been a lot worse.

THE STRUGGLES YOUR HAVING TODAY

ARE DEVELOPING THE STRENGTH

YOU NEED FOR TOMORROW

UPDATE

Jessica is now 25, she lives in a house with her boyfriend and ex boyfriend, her ex boyfriend is her best friend. The boys look after her when she has her moments which are nowhere near as bad as they used to be. She keeps a nice clean house, her life is a lot more organised. She has just been made assistant manager of the shop where she works plus the area manager adores her, she wants Jess to manage a new shop they are opening in the town centre, they think she has the ability to run a store as she has took charge of this shop as the manager isn't really any good, she is great at handling staff and keeps the shop running smoothly.
She has told her new employer all about her problems, they totally understand her problems, they have dealt with it before. She does have the odd days where her head is all over the place where she can't settle and needs to have time to calm herself down, they allow her time for this as she works a lot of hours for them, some days she works 12 hour shifts closing the shop down every night.
As long as she has a routine to follow she can keep control, she needs a routine, she needs to know exactly what she is doing and what time she is doing it then her head can handle it, any changes can turn her head into turmoil.
I often get a phone call through the night as she is not a brilliant sleeper, she will talk to me which helps her put things into perspective and gives her a chance to be herself.
She also has Asperger's, The lower spectrum of Autism, she is not very good at handling herself when there is a crowd or with strangers. She finds socialising difficult at times but once you get to know Jessica she is loving and friendly. She can hold a conversation and has her own opinions that she sticks by. She can also be very protective especially if one of her family needs help, she can be pretty scary too.

Living with Jess was so hard, I never thought it would end, we were shattered to the point sometimes we just wanted to give up BUT we didn't and now we can look back and talk about it, she often apologises for what she did , It wasn't her fault its who she is and we have all accepted that. We love her so much and know she loves us all.

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	Hi I am Karen, I am here to write about my life and read about yours.. If you like what you read please upvote and leave me a message so I can come visit you	follow me on Twitter