How do you get over the fear of not being good enough?

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Everyone has a thing or the other that is unique to them and reasons for which they may have fears. You give your best and it seems that it is not good enough. You work hard, expecting some commendation and still you get complaint instead. It gives you the feeling that you're not good enough. Fear is a bad thing as it stifles your abilities and keeps you drowned in negative thoughts which washes away your self esteem. Some think they are not good enough maybe because of their looks, others because of a major disability, some because that's what they've always heard.

1. Identify the things that makes you feel that you're not good enough. Deal with the matter from the source and the feeling associated with it will die. Recognize that everyone has got flaws. Don't capitalize on yours. If it is because your boyfriend left you for someone else or your girlfriend found someone she thinks is better than you, then let them go. Someone who finds you more worthy will come around. On the other hand, when it comes from people around you, bear in mind that people say things they don't mean when they are angry. Family members could really be the reason some people have insecurity about themselves. When you keep hearing you good for nothing, useless, you can never be good enough, slowly your self confidence begins to erode and you will begin to believe them and act out their expectations.

2. Rise up to the challenge. When people make you feel that you're not good enough for a task or anything else, it's your responsibility to disappoint them. Rise up to the challenge. Make yourself proud by doing what they said you couldn't. If it is because you're always late for meetings, discipline yourself and wake up much earlier so you can be on time. Improve your skills where necessary. Add value to yourself until you become invaluable. If it is as a result of making promises in your relationship and not being able to fulfill them, begin with small promises you can easily pull off and win your lover's heart again. Do what you say you would do.

3. Focus. It's easy to lose sight of what you can do when you keep hearing negative words about yourself. Your confidence is drained and it makes you feel that they were right about what they've always said about you. Don't give in, don't give up on yourself. Give attention yo your strength and focus on things you know how to do and do best. If you keep magnifying your flaws or weaknesses, you will become oblivious of the things you can actually do. So, this is the time to focus.

4. Believe in yourself. Believe in your abilities, in what you can do. Some years ago, my elder sister who I happen to be living with was always mad at me for things I didn't do well. I was just a teenager and I expected to be excused but she keeps demanding so much from me. So much responsibilities. I heard all sort of negative comments. Chiefest among them were "I never trust you with anything because you always disappoint". I acted like I didn't care but deep down, those words kept re-echoing such that even when I could do what she's asked, I just lost the vibes to put in the required effort. My mind was already prepared to hear "you always disappoint. But with time, I started reminding myself that I was bigger than everything she said. I had to drown the voice of inability that threatened to incapacitate my very self by speaking positive words to myself. Overtime, I built so much self confidence such that she couldn't do without me.

5. Face your fears. Overcoming your fears begin with understanding the things that make you fear and facing them. These fears may be rooted in assumptions. If you fear that you're not good enough in a relationship, get a hearing from your partner. Talk to them about how you feel and discuss what you could do to serve them better. If it is about your grades at school, maybe you should change your study pattern, build relationship with colleagues and class mates who could assist or guide you. Face your fears until the thing you fear becomes afraid of you.

Everyone has got fears. Don't let yours limit you and stop you from doing the things that you could. Work on yourself until you become better. Face your fears until you conquer them. Keep a positive attitude about yourself. Become your biggest fan. Reawaken your drive not to let anything stop you including self deprecating thoughts.