There is a danger that comes from achieving your goals that most people don’t talk about. Many so-called “successful” people end up miserable. They fear losing what they have, or being discovered as a “fraud,” unworthy of their achievements.

I am blessed to have accomplished a lot of my dreams- starting my own company, surrounding myself with people I love and working on projects I am passionate about.

Running a game company is exciting and rewarding, but it is also challenging and uncertain. With limited resources, there isn’t a lot of room for mistakes, and those mistakes cost people’s jobs.

In many ways, it was far easier for me when I was broke and working alone. I had nothing to lose, so there was no risk of failure. Even now, as I write this, I feel a sense of dread that posting this fear in a public forum will hurt my company and my reputation.

For many of my posts, I write about things I have successfully done and try to break down the process based on my own experience and research. This one is a little different. I don’t yet know how to solve this problem, but I am “exploring in the open” by discussing my thoughts and practices while they are in development.

The Secret to Happiness

True happiness is... to enjoy the present, without anxious dependence upon the future. - Seneca the Younger

To live a life of happiness and accomplishment, there are two contradictory goals.

1. Be grateful for what you have
2. Overcome fear of the future

The reason these seem contradictory is that the very things you are grateful for are often the same ones you fear losing in the future. Your company can go bankrupt, your loved one can die, your reputation can be ruined.

How do you find the balance of appreciation and acceptance? Here are five steps that help me.

1. Practice Gratitude

When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive - to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love. - Marcus Aurelius

Everyday wake up and list 3 things you are grateful for. Do the same before you go to bed. I’ve been doing this for years and it has helped immensely in my day to day happiness.

Multiple studies support the principle that a gratitude practice increases your health, self esteem, resilience, and empathy. By training your brain to look for the good things in your life, you will develop the habit of happiness.

2. Practice Discomfort

The military has a powerful slogan that you can adopt in your own life: “Embrace the Suck” There is incredible power in making the worst things in your life your friend. If you can learn to embrace discomfort, loss and the unexpected, then nothing can hurt you.

Don’t try to hide from discomfort, because it will find you!

Everyday do something that makes you uncomfortable and train yourself to be OK with it.

For those living in the industrialized world, this may seem crazy. We spend most of our lives trying to be comfortable- we cherish our air conditioned homes, luxury cars, and all the fancy toys that make life easier.

Practicing discomfort helps protect you against the fear of losing all these luxuries. When you know you can handle discomfort (and even learn to embrace it), you can let go of the fear that bad things will happen.

The more comfortable you are with discomfort, the more resilient you will be to whatever comes.
Here are some simple ways to practice discomfort:

• Take an ice cold shower
• spend a month without buying any luxury items and only inexpensive necessities
• put your creative work in front of others
• Start a conversation with someone who intimidates you
• Wear cheap clothing to a fancy place
• Wear something intentionally ridiculous in public

Pick a small form of discomfort and embrace it. Know that you are increasing your resilience and that the discomfort you feel is just like the pain you feel when exercising. That pain is a precurser to making yourself stronger and more resilient to future challenges.

3. Practice Presence

Years of evolution have trained our minds to constantly replay the past and worry about the future. True peace and happiness, however, can only be found in the present. Train your mind to come back to the present moment and realize that fundamentally, the present is all you ever really have.

Ways to practice presence include:

• Meditation (start using an app like calm or headspace if you need help with this)
• find triggers in your life to bring you back to the present moment. (e.g. everytime you brush your teeth or wash the dishes, focus on doing just that.)
• Set aside time to be in nature
• Take a walk outside
• Pet a furry animal
• Take a few deep breaths

For all of the above activities, try to keep your mind in the present moment as much as possible. Don’t worry if it wanders, that is perfectly natural! Whenever you catch your mind wandering, gently bring it back to the present and stay focused on what you are doing. Over time you will get better and better at remaining present and thus reclaim more of your life and happiness from the ghosts of past and future your mind creates.

4. Make Your Goals Visible and Visceral

Evolution has also programmed us to be more afraid of losing what we have than of not getting what we want. This principle is called loss aversion. Loss aversion means we will put off our hopes and dreams in favor of safe and comfortable choices. To fight this, you have to make your dreams more concrete and trick your brain into thinking that you already have them.

Write down your dreams in concrete detail and picture them in your mind. Do you want to write a book? What will it look like? Who will read it? Do you want a great romantic partner? What traits does he/she have?

Now envision how you will realize your dreams. Imagine yourself taking the steps to bring your dreams to life. Work backwards from your dream life to this present day. Write down key things that you need to do and clearly picture yourself doing them.

Create affirmations that you can repeat everyday to yourself, envisioning your dreams as reality and making it viscerally feel connected to the actions in your life each day. Add this to your daily gratitude practice to keep yourself happy and motivated.

5. Do Something Everyday for Your Future

It takes a shockingly small amount of time each day to build the life you want, but only if you consistently set aside that time everyday.

I’m a big believer in the need to block off time to do solid creative work. The Pomodoro technique is a wonderful tool for this. Set a timer for 20 minutes and stay focused on one task for those 20 minutes, no matter what. Ignore Facebook, email, and other distractions and stay focused on your task. If you find this too difficult, start with 5 minutes and build up from there. After your time is up, you can take a brief 5 min guilt free break to do whatever you want.

Spend at least 1 Pomodoro on an important (but not urgent) task each day to help build the future you want. That means checking email, paying bills, or taking the kids to school don’t count. These are all important, but are not working towards the future you want. Pick one of the visceral dreams from Step 4 and do something to make it come to life.

The universe is change; our life is what our thoughts make it. - Marcus Aurelius

(pictures above sourced from pixabay.com)

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Hi, I’m Justin!

I love reading, writing, dancing, meditating, learning, and helping others. Learn more about me here.