What People Don’t Tell You About Building Self-Esteem (and how to gain true self confidence)

For my entire life, I’ve seen people suffer from the lack of self-confidence or self-esteem, which leaves them at a severe disadvantage both socially and in the workforce.

When people notice those who have these kinds of issues, they will usually tell them to “toughen up”, to “speak up” or to “stop being so shy”. I have also heard phrases like “fake it till you make it” being thrown around for those who need to work on their social skills.

The thing is, most of the time, advice like this doesn’t work, at least not in my personal experience.

To build a true self esteem, I believe that a lot of looking inwards and soul searching is required. For me this involved meditating every single day, which helped me gain more self-respect, be more honest with myself, and become more grounded with reality.

I also had to face my inner demons and get to the root of my issues. This involved a lot of self-inquiry. For example, if I was trying to work though my confidence issues, I asked myself stuff like:

Why are am I so nervous to speak in front of people? Is it because I am afraid they won’t like what you have to say? Why is this? Is it because I faced a lot of rejection as a child? Why am I still letting my childhood define my future?

Along with this, I read self-help books that explained how psychological issues are implanted in us based on the experiences we have on starting from a very young age. I learned how to develop myself, and to learn and grow as a person rather than making excuses for where I was at in life.

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These techniques have been very effective for me. Two years ago, I was depressed, self-harming, had no self-respect, extremely socially awkward, and viewed as pathetic and cringe-worthy among most of my peers.

Today, I have much more self-awareness, and as a result, am able to make decisions that will allow me to have the best future possible. I have much more friends and have become very social among my peers. I gained much more self-respect, and given up my desperate people-pleasing habits for those who don’t deserve it. I have developed an immense amount of gratitude for everything that’s happened in my life, and I have realized that I am very lucky to have what I have. Because of this, I am the happiest I’ve ever been in my entire life.

I’m not saying that what I did to gain self-confidence and become a more actualized person is exactly what you need to do to make your life feel complete. However, I do want you to realize that confidence, self-esteem, and psychological issues are things that must be worked through for a long period of time to gain a lasting impact on us.

In a world that glorifies instant gratification, this could be very hard for you to accept. However, in my personal experience, doing inner work has been the most rewarding thing that I’ve ever done. It has allowed me to gain inner peace, and to thrive in this harsh and confusing world in ways that I never thought possible. And it can have the same effect on you, if you wish.