Digital Emptiness
Untitled
I let the ocean spill
from my soul
somehow;
the digital
emptiness
is full of cracks.
Woke up today feeling unbearably sad. It's existential, the kind of thing that stems from feeling like the things I'm doing don't matter, and that nothing matters, or that maybe some people find meaning in some things, but not my things, and I'm not finding meaning in their things either. Why do I try so hard? Why do I care how many followers I have on Instagram?
Money. Why do I care how much money I have? I already know I could be happy with very little living on a beach with a very quiet life. Still I push and I push and I try to make things, write big things and little things on people's skin and on big and little screens. And some days I wake up ready for everything and other days I wake up like today, inside of existential dread.
This is the regular me, I know. I wake up like this sometimes. It doesn't worry me. It's just so slow.
Heyyyyyyyyyyyy Sweetheart! I understand exactly how you are feeling. I have been through that road so many times over. That feeling of emptiness in the midst of so much more life had offered.
Hey Baby! You have got to pick yourself up at down times like today, and keep inspiring yourself on with life. I read every word in your content twice over and I am saying: Cheers Dearie! I Love You Sweetheart. Keep steeming;-
I took a day to not worry about anything, cleaned my hard drive (actually), and went to an art show. It was really nice to just focus on little things, and now I feel a lot better. Thank you for such a thoughtful response.
Good luck master post
<3 You're just human. We all worry. And often about the wrong things :-) You look amazing by the way, so I hope that one is not on the worry list :-)
haha, thank you! my worries have mainly been stemming from running a crowdfunding campaign, fear of failure that the campaign won't get funded, and wondering in that process if anything I'm doing is even worth the support of strangers. Most of the time I'm confident that the things I create are meaningful, but when I start questioning why anything is meaningful, I get into trouble existentially.
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STOPHi ! where are you from?
I will mention some advice I do not follow, that I perhaps cannot follow, and that is almost impossible to follow, in general in this world, at least without effort:
Namely, that this kind of feeling is almost inevitable for humans, unless they find meaning from being with others and doing things in concert with them. Not by having friends or tribes online; by having physical friends to touch and an actual tribe to be with or make music with.
The evidence seems to suggest this. There's a story I read a while ago, of someone from a remote Amazon who married an anthropologist, and moved back with him to New Jersey. But then who fled back to the Amazon, because there every day began and ended with all of these people who you knew and who know you.
I can't really recommend how to go around building such a life, as I don't know you. And you probably already know everything I've said, really. I find it hard to build such a life particularly in a world where it's harder and harder to shape yourself into a cog for the world economic machine. You can't count on the stability of being in a single place. There aren't shared locations where you can meet the same people over and over again. It is just really tough.
I do agree that it is an inevitable feeling for most of us, and I know it is a thing that recurs for me more frequently some years and less other years. I think when there's more "at stake," it starts to happen more because the things I value and want are thrown in my face, ready for personal scrutiny. It's just part of the order of things at this point, eh? If I had enough money, I wonder if I would be as satisfied as I think living on a quiet beach, or if I would start to feel empty from not having anything to worry about. haha.