Thank you for taking the time to read this post and to leave this lovely and supportive comment, Stef. I appreciate both. I think because it's not directly our grandparents' job to civilise us, they are often able to have a more relaxed relationship with us, sparing most of the criticism for our parents' attempts to do so, usually!

I loved my Gran very much. She was a good influence on me in many ways, and as a little girl, the fact that she and my Mum didn't get along was actually a great thing for me, as it meant I could go to her for comfort and confide in her about what was going on at home. As a child, I was torn between a desperate need to do the right thing so that my mother would love me as much as I loved her; and the desire to suffocate her in her sleep to put an end to her frequent meanness. It was very confusing! The 'demon on my right shoulder' sounds remarkably like the hyper-critical (and often vicious) voice of my mother, in all honesty. It's been a battle at times to keep her quiet as I mothered my own child, but happily, she's only sneaked out once or twice in 16 years - not bad considering how busy she is in my mind! I am very grateful to have found tools whilst pregnant that were invaluable in helping me to relate to my own child well and treat Raven very differently than I was treated. These are the kind of things I want to begin to share with others, along with the anecdotes and photographs. It is helpful to write and share in reprogramming the faulty patterns I took on board as a small child. This is my current focus. It feels really important right now, part of my healing process which I hope and trust will help others, too. Thank you again for stopping by. Sending you hugs, fellow angel-devil-grandchild! Jay <3