Life

I’m 28 years old now, and honestly am so lost with what I want to do with my life right now.

I recently ended my employment with a Fortune 500 finance company I had worked for the past 5 years. I’ve been looking for new jobs but nothing has really sparked my interest. Maybe analytics of some kind or financial modeling. What got me in trouble at my last job was dealing with stupid and/or lazy people...frustrated me to no end and apparently the last straw was when I made one of the members of our team cry for yelling at her. I don’t even remember what I said, which means it couldn’t have been that bad. Give me a break, toughen up.

I went to Drexel and did the co-op program for 5 years, which as I was finishing high school seemed like a good plan. Go get my degree, find a good job, live a happy life. Though I soon figured out it wasn’t that easy, and that finance probably isn’t the right field for me. I honestly felt like I was slowly dieing inside wasting day after day at that job, in what I’ve heard referred to as cubicle purgatory, which is a fantastic way to describe it.

So now I’m $200,000 or so in debt (Drexel = $40K per year @ 5 years) living back in my parents house, with no clue what I want to do with the rest of my life. I used to have this real love and enthusiasm for life, and now I hide in my bedroom like a recluse, rarely ever going out with friends anymore, feeling like life has slowly beaten me down and drained all the joy out of me. I escape in movies and tv shows, which is nice for a few hours, but then there’s reality waiting there for you, staring you right in the face.

I have some pension $$ coming in after the 1st of the year so enjoying the time off for now, which is really the first time I’ve had an extended vacation for I don’t even know how long (10 years maybe, I got the finance job a few weeks after I graduated college and had been working there ever since). That $$ will sustain me for a bit, but it’s only a couple grand so hoping I don’t burn through all of it.

If there’s one thing I would say I’m exceptional at, it would be spending money. Especially spending money I don’t have. I have a $5K personal loan, $7K maxed out credit card, college loans. It’s overwhelming at times, but in another very real sense I don’t really worry about it because debt doesn’t always feel real to me, if that makes any sense. Like it’s real money but it isn’t?

Anyway, that’s where I’m at right now. Would love to hear if anyone else is in a similar position in their life because I could use some company in this pit of dispair I’m currently in haha.