Welcome Back, Brother. Beautiful post.
I too, have experienced much of the same shit y'all have been through. But I keep remembering this quote:
"We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time. T. S. Eliot"
Namaste, JaiChai
Thanks @jaichai, Its been nice hearing from other people who have had similar experiences in life. It keeps me motivated to keep moving forward instead of giving up. I really like the quote, its very inspiring. thank you brother!