WHY KIDS LIE? LET'S HELP THEM STOP IT. 😊

I'm not a mother yet, but I think and I've seen that the reasons kids lie to their parents is not something that calls for much punishment.

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I'm not equally against the saying 'spare the rod and spoil the child' but the presence of the rod makes the child good in the sight of his parents. Immediately the rod is gone, child's gone wild!

I'm a living testimony of a child trained with a cane at my ass at any slight taboo done. And I know my mother would be proud of me now but that cane is not the reason I'm disciplined. The truth is! Once I could come up with a better lie, I tell my mother to let me through my wishes.
After I lost my dad when I was 10, my mother restricted flogging as an act of scolding us. And that was when I started viewing things from a good point. She tells us the reason why we should avoid some actions and I grab that immediately without complaining.

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WHY KIDS LIE

According to various studies conducted by Canadian Researcher KONG LEE, it's entirely normal for kids to experiment with lying starting at an early age. Sometimes as early as 2 and escalating until 12 the age of greatest deceit.

A four year old lying about her teddy bear telling her a secret is a healthy lying.
White lies told to benefit another or to avoid hurting someone's feelings and which tend to start around 6years.
Then there are kids who tell lies just for kicks, seemingly without anything to gain.

The first step in figuring out how to address a lie is to consider why they are telling it.

Let’s look at it from the child’s perspective. What’s going in on a child’s mind when they lie to their parents?

Say you’re driving on the interstate and the speed limit is 65 mph. You know that if you drive 65 mph on the interstate, that’s the slowest anyone drives, and people fly by you, honk at you and call you names. So you go 75 miles an hour…and a policeman stops you.

He asks, “how fast were you driving?”

And most people say, “Sixty five.” Or, “I thought I was doing sixty five, officer, or maybe a little over sixty five.”

Why are people dishonest like that? Because they understand that driving fast is forbidden. But they don’t understand that it’s hurtful or feel they can be very careful not to get hurt. We understand that it’s wrong to drive that fast and there are consequences but we have so much trust in not getting hurt.

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It’s the same with kids. They know lying is forbidden. But they don’t see it as hurtful. Not the way that parents see it as hurtful. So a kid will say, “I know it’s wrong that I ate a sugar snack when I’m not supposed to. But who does it hurt?”

When they don’t see it as hurtful, there are two different value systems operating: the family’s value system that says this is forbidden and the kid’s value system that says if it’s not hurting anybody, what do you care? The kid rationalizes his actions and justifies his behavior with the idea that it doesn’t hurt anybody. The outcome is a dishonest situation. A lie.

LET'S SEE SOME POSSIBLE WAYS THE TRUTH CAN BE INSTALLED AS A GOOD VIRTUE IN THE CHILDREN'S MINDSET

1. BE GENTLE: if your child feels scared of you, because you are angry about what they did, they will continue to lie to avoid that response and the cycle will continue.
   Keep your voice calm and let them know that accidents happen and that, them speaking the truth will let you know how to help them.

2. AVOID LYING FROM OTHER PEOPLE AND IN FRONT OF THEM: Lying can be a learned behaviour if children see it happening around them. For instance, when a friend comes to look for you, you tell them to inform the friend you're not in and laugh about it. They'll possibly laugh about other lies they tell you.

3. STOP YELLING AT THEM ALL THE TIME: there was once I think I was 8 or 9 years when my mother flogged me and I uttered 'odeshi' meaning 'it isn't painful'. I was already used to being caned and that wasn't gonna stop my bad behavior. Stop yelling at a little child when you could talk to them to see reasons. Even if you do, do not fail to apologize or you'll resume games with your child. You'll be on your child's black list.

4. GIVE THEM APPROPRIATE CONSEQUENCES: if you don't give your child consequences to think that lying is bad, they will continue.
   For example, let's say your child is 5years old and has recently spilled a big cup of juice on the carpet.
   Instead of telling the truth he gave a long story about how his imaginary friend is responsible.
   Give him a consequence such as a short time out or detention or restrict him from using toys he loves and let him clean up his mess. He'll eventually realise that instead of lying, he could simply tell the truth and spend time playing. Tell him the punishment was for lying.

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Do not forget your kids are precious gifts from God and should be well taken care of.😘😘😍😍

REFERENCES

1. TIPS TO HELP PARENTS DEAL WITH LYING CHILDREN
2. WHY KIDS LIE
3. WHY KIDS TELL LIES