STRANGE Phenomenon. Help a friend, they love it. Expect a return favor... it doesn't happen. Why?
I'm the type of person who will help and give if I can. There's times I need help too, but when I ask, they run. Why?
I can tell you why this happens, and I know why this happens. I just really hate it, and you might notice it too.
People appreciate a friendly and helpful neighbor.
People appreciate a friendly and helpful personal friend.
People appreciate a friendly and helpful stranger.
People appreciate anyone who helps them when they need help.
WHAT MOST PEOPLE AREN'T READY FOR, IS TO RETURN A FAVOR WHEN IT IS INCONVENIENT.
Before we get into this, let me give you a prime example.
A new found "friend" of mine, who recently moved to my state had some financial problems. He arrived with cash, bought a place, and the money ran out.
This guy (and his wife) said, if you have any odd jobs, he'll happily do them. I paid him $60 to help me find out why my furnace wasn't working.
He started the job, and a little while after, his wife phoned him and said "dinner is ready, how long am I suppose to wait for you to come home?"
He left. My furnace was spread out all over the floor.
Two days passed. Next thing I know, he hooked up with another friend I introduced him to and he traded his skills to obtain lumber from my friend who mills his own wood in the forest. (He's off the grid).
During this exact same time, while he was inbetween jobs he wanted to build a deck for his wife and that's why he needed lumber.
Now had lumber, just not enough nails. I went and bought him nails. I ran to the hardware store, bought $7 worth of nails, and together we hammered that deck together.
Keep in mind, the $60 I paid him to help me with my issue (a downed furnace, and he's a trained electrical engineer) still existed.
His gas tank was empty, I threw $20 of gas into it to help him out. Now that's $87 I put toward him, and I still had a downed furnace with the work 1/2 done.
"Thanks man, I really appreciate the help" he said.
He used that gas to go to a job interview, and got hired. The job he got, paid cash each day.
After $27 of my gift to him, he arrived home that night (after getting paid), and ran to the grocery store and liquor store and bought groceries and beer.
I was happy for him.
I asked him about my furnace problem, and since their financial issues were now solved, the wife took over..
"Just so you know, he's working now. He spent enough time there, and he has other things to do"
This new friend (so I thought) has left me high and dry.
I'm high and dry financially and friendship wise, and I still searching on how to pay my next bill.
He doesn't seem to care, and neither does his wife. They're good now.
Keep in mind, the $60 I paid him to help me with my issue (a downed furnace, and he's a trained electrical engineer) still existed.
This is one example.
Now I can give 5 or 6 examples, but coming up with multiple examples doesn't change the point.
What this story is about, that when people are desperate and in need, they will be your friend, and they will take your help. When you ask for their help in return, they quickly turn a blind eye, and unless it is convenient, they will find reasons not to return the favor.
What is a person like myself suppose to do?
Stop helping people?
Stop making friends?
Start to become cynical and protect my own interests and think the world is tainted?
NO
I've come to my own conclusion. The economy is in dire straights. People are having a tough time surviving. If you pull someone out of a jam, they are thankful at that moment, but they have to get back to work and continue surviving. I don't fault this person for that, and I don't fault anyone in a similar situation.
What this guy didn't know, is that when I bought him $7 worth of nails because he didn't have any, I only had $30 worth of money in my account to be able to buy those nails.
I'm broke too. I'm also struggling to survive. I don't talk about it, but it is true.
I've been holding onto my STEEM and my SBD like they are treasures, because they are. I know STEEM and SBD aren't worth what they should. So if I can prolong selling my holdings an extra day, I will.
So now, he's working. He's making great cash.
I'm still without a furnace, and the job is only 1/2 done. Winter is here. My pipes are going to freeze and I'm shivering under blankets.
He doesn't care, and I don't expect him to, because I don't want to tell him, nor weigh my problems on him.
This is a totally sucks to be me in this situation. But at least I understand it.
Will I help someone else like this again? Yes. Why? That's my character and that's my morals. Sometimes you have do what's right, whether or not it gets returned.
I feel good about who I am. I hope he does too. It is as simple as that..
Can anyone identify with this? Or am I just the only shmuck walking around?
Now some people going to comment about how I deserve this, or the way I acted by not telling him what dire straights I'm in is why this happened. But I point you back to the issue. If someone helps you, financially or not, and pulls you out of a jam... Do you really need them to point out the obvious?
I believe a good deed should get rewarded with a good deed in return. I need to believe in that, because that's how I conduct myself. I just think I might be meeting the wrong people in my life.
I love it that even though you thought you were going to get a little bashing, you were vulnerable and put it out there anyway. I think it's great to be able to have this type of exchange to gain greater perspective that can help us improve ourselves. Good post.
This is more like irresponsibility. I mean you get paid to do something, you don't do it, so you'll either find a way to do it or return the money.
Helping others, or gifting others, should (in my opinion) have no strings attached of reciprocation. Otherwise it's not help or a gift - it's a strategic "investment" for possible future use.
I agree with you. It's just troubling when I try to have a sense of moral responsibility and I feel taken advantage of.. Is the world that sour, or should I change my behavior and start milking people I meet for my own benefit? I just can't cross that line and still feel good about myself.
P.S. Thanks for stopping by @alexgr I always look forward to your input. I love reading your posts when I'm on steemit.
Thanks :)
Neither would I.
I think every experience of this kind generally improves one's assessment capabilities of how similar situations will turn out. Then one can better predict what will happen in future conditions, and whether they are going to end up being used if they offer assistance.
I think it's an unfortunate fact that the mentality of the vast majority of people is usury-based. They see the world in a way where it all revolves around "what can others do for me?". This involves friends, other sex partners, even family in some cases. I have become very perceptive in identifying this trait and try to avoid getting used. Interestingly, this has made me more self-reliant as well. If you use others less (in order to avoid getting disproportionately (ab)used) then you end up doing more things on your own, even developing new skills. But then you are more in demand from others who identify your extended skill-set :P At that point you can either charge them (reasonably), or selectively help those you wish.
I'm speechless. What you said, quantifies this problem in a very articulate and definitive way. I especially like how you said "I have become very perceptive in identifying this trait and try to avoid getting used"
That's exactly what I need to become aware of.. it is sincerely nice to see someone else echo what I've been witnessing. Thanks for sharing.. it is really important for me to hear these words from someone afar..
Bad economy or not, that's just bad behavior. If he did half the job, you should get half your money back.
Agreed. Although, I really didn't care about the money. I just wanted him to care about me and my situation. It is that part that hurts the most. :(
just think of this.... the only cost that you had to pay in order to understand what kind of a person he is was just 87$..... you lost nothing...it cost you nothing....believe me other people has lost much more in scumbags like the one you are talking about..... consider yourself very lucky!!!!
I'm happy to see these type of comments. I was convinced I deserved this, or I was the one that cornered him for this to happen. As stupid as that sounds, I wasn't sure.. until multiple people took my side on the issue. It really does help me to understand that when a wrong happens against you, not always did you deserve it. Sounds like a basic fundamental of life. Sometimes you just need to hear it from someone else.
Thanks for writing @funnel :)
I hear you loud and clear. We try to do good to others because that is our nature. But here you chose the wrong term. He is not your friend. He is an arrogant self centred bastard that walks all over people to get what he wants. Remember that Karma is a bitch. Just sit back and relax. Karma will take over. Don't stop helping people though, not everyone is like that. Write off this experience. You have learned a lesson.
I'm impressed by your response. I thought I was going to get heckled when I wrote about my experience. I kept asking myself what did I do wrong? Apparently I did nothing wrong, and all of you see it too.. this helps.. it helps a lot. I can deal with this a lot easier now. I can't thank you enough for being so to the point, and seeing it too.
I could care less about the money I spent, the time I invested, or what happened, as long as people also see that something is wrong, and I didn't cause it. :) :) :)
It's much easier to digest now. Thanks @giantbear
I am following you now. I love to read about personal experiences. Very interesting to read, but when reading I realize more and more that we are all just normal people trying to survive. The steemit community is a great bunch of people. I have learned a lot here ever since I started. I have also shared many personal experiences here, and it helped me process things that has been bothering me, and I usually get a good response. Good luck @intelliguy
"If you do something don't expect anything in return! Do it because you want to do it, not to get something back"
Agreed. That's why I'm not upset. I'm just confused. Cuz if someone did something for me, I'd want to help them too..
Nice
Yeah it sucks. They are too busy to help, and seem to forget the help that was given freely before, having no sense of debt to be paid...
glad to see you made some Steem. It's nice to see people who need it earn something. BTW I like your profile pic. Jumpman was a fun game.