The Existential Mirror

Have you thought recently about the fact that you never actually see yourself as others do when looking in the mirror? You see the mirror image of yourself, but not the real image. What about when you hear your voice out loud? Doesn't your own voice sound strange sometimes when you hear it played back in a recording? What about your own internal self dialogue? Do you feel like you are real and authentic with yourself? Well, sure, there must be times in all our lives when we "get it" and there seems to be a magical alignment with our inner identity. Those seem to be the times when we are most at peace with the world. However, how many times in the last year would you say you have gotten that sneaking suspicion within yourself that maybe you are actually an imposter or a charlatan? You imagine your future self (the one you like to pretend from now and then is the real you) but then your inner voice sends barrages of negative self-talk about how inferior you are to that ideal, how many times you failed today, and yesterday, and last week. Oh, and don't forget that time last year!...

Well, we all know that failure is always found on the path to success. Winston Churchill said, "Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm." But it is easy to find this thought very agreeable and inspiring when we are reading the grand biographies of those who have already walked far down the path and achieved their success. But what about you? Here and now, right in the middle of two failures, maybe with one running right up against the other. The audacity of it all! Can't you catch a break? Where the hell is the real you? The one you hear calling back to you from the future? John Seymour said, "Emotions make excellent servants, but tyrannical masters." I think a huge part of learning the intrinsic lessons that are build into every failure, is to learn to overrule, veto and banish the uncomfortable emotions, while keeping a great log book stashed away that you can access at will. In other words, forgive yourself for the failure, so as to stop holding grudges against your "non-future self", but remember the thing that was revealed to you about what is keeping you from that future improvement.

Growth only comes from being uncomfortable and from the true assessment of weakness and bad decision making. I'm sure you are familiar with the lobster analogy... that a lobster must shed his hard shell because as the underlying soft body of the lobster expands against the fixed size shell, it becomes increasingly uncomfortable and he must shed it. While waiting for the hardening of the new shell, the lobster is vulnerable and must carefully protect himself. If the lobster did not experience these uncomfortable and vulnerable times, he would never grow. We must avoid the temptation to adopt a "survivor" mentality of growth. This is where we allow the accumulation of past memories of difficulty and present stress to chase us into a corner where we self-medicate or distract or do anything but face the pressures, fears, decisions, etc. that will ultimately allow us to grow strong enough to overcome. If we become fatalistic and expect continuous difficulty and failure, we are inviting upon ourself a self-fulfilling prophecy. Henry Ford said, "If you think you can do a thing or you think you can't do a thing, you're right." Why not believe we can, embolden ourself toward the target and have faith that the resources, connections and whatever else are needed along the way will manifest themselves at the right time. Napoleon Hill wrote, "Every adversity, every failure, every heartache carries with it the seed of an equal or greater benefit." As we find ourselves playing hostage negotiator between our future and present selves, these are the messages that must be spoken and believed. The rest is just time and effort, not necessarily genius. As Thomas Edison famously said after finally achieving the incandescent light bulb, "Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration." A little genius goes a long way! It could be hidden in one simple idea.

Sure, take a look in the mirror from time to time if you must. But don't believe what you see. Believe instead what you know deep down inside to be true. And then pursue that purpose and passion all the way to the finish line. Hill said, "There is one quality which one must possess to win, and that is definiteness of purpose, the knowledge of what one wants, and a burning desire to possess it." Don't waste too much energy beating the air with effort over something for which you have neither vision nor passion. Fight instead to clarify the vision and find the passion, and only then devote yourself wholeheartedly toward it. Only then is it possible to do so. And you will find that it is not only possible, it actually already exists. You are not so much putting into existence something that does not exists. Instead, like Michelangelo carving David, you are only removing the rubble that prevents the realization of the genius. You are uncovering, unchaining, enlightening and revealing the hidden potential you have always possessed. And when you have learned to do this, the view is so much better to help others see the very same thing within them.

Go forth and inspire!