Fatherhood

Being a father is part joy and part challenge. (And yes, those are my kids above). There is the intrinsic joy of being part of one of the most amazing journeys in life... from an infant through the various developmental stages of human life toward adulthood. Obviously, the relationship that develops along the way is so much more rewarding and fulfilling than the "science" of the process. But the whole journey is greater than the sum of all of its individual parts. There is an art and a science to parenting. A magical, visceral reality. No matter who you are, or how capable you are as a person, nothing really prepares you for parenting like... being a parent. You can certainly be better prepared by learning certain character qualities and skill sets ahead of time. But in my experience most of those things, such as patience, peace amidst chaos, concern for the feelings and perspectives of others (even those who cannot fully communicate what those are), etc. are learned at a deep level only in practice. And there is no better environment for practice of these character qualities than parenting.

Leadership, mentoring, guiding, friendship, providing, responsibility... the list is all encompassing. In physical training, you can develop a pretty solid full body development by mastering a few essential lifts (squats, deadlifts, bench press, overhead press, with pull-ups and dips for good measure). In parenting, there are heavily repeated skills that you have to develop by necessity, that similarly recruit many different character muscles simultaneously. And, in my evaluation, it is fighting through the feeling that sometimes plagues the parent that it is all hopeless, endless and futile and persevering with very little tangible thanks or reward along the way, that REALLY sets those lessons in deep. Add to that the fact that you cannot truly "take a break", because your children's very survival depends largely on you keeping track of them at all times. Once you enter it is a lifetime commitment. It is especially a full-on commitment for the first 18 years when they cannot provide for themselves. And even MORE for the first several years when they truly need you around the clock.

Yes, it is not all trial and difficulty. After all you have your beautiful, wonderful offspring that are exploring the world, and telling you how much they love you and growing and becoming and emerging into the people and personalities they were born to be. But anyone who has been through the process understands the rugged journey. One of the most amazing aspects of parenthood, from a societal and sociological perspective, is how it is a cooperative partnership between parent and child. The parent is teaching the child character, skills, knowledge, wisdom, etc. However, the parent is also learning those very things through the process of being a parent. When this collaboration is wrapped in the strong cords of love and trust, it is a magnificent vehicle for fostering incredible value that will someday be contributed into the world. In whatever walk of life a person takes, CEO or janitor, olympic athlete, or someone with a physical disability, no matter nationality, race, etc. it is the quality of character that will have a lasting impact on others. A man of small fortune but great character will almost always have a greater quality of impact on the individuals around him than the billionaire with poor character. In fact the latter has incredible potential to bring harm instead of good. Resources such as money and time are not good or bad in themselves. they serve the purpose of those who direct and control them. A quote that has been attributed to various sources, but was made popular in Spider-Man says, "With great power comes great responsibility."

Martin Luther King, Jr. famously had a dream "that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character." That powerful statement can be expanded to include any and all surface judgements and identifiers. The core message is that character is what matters. We all have the opportunity to contribute value and make great positive decisions. In fact, sometimes those who come from the worst backgrounds and most difficult circumstances end up being the ones who do the most. However, in the large stage of life, many do not prevail through trial and end up succumbing to the negative environments and influences around them. The art and skill of parenting is to insulate as much as necessary as our children develop nascent character qualities and life skills, but to be wise and forward thinking enough to know how to gradually hand over the reins of responsibility to our children and life itself. To continually protect, nurture and shelter is to set children up for eventual failure. They cannot keep lifting tiny weights (even if they perform high numbers of reps) and expect to grow the kind of muscles they will need. Life can be difficult, harsh and uncaring. We must equip them to grow the strength and character to be able to stand the worst adversity that life can throw their way. It is much better to grow the muscles gradually over many small trials and difficulties than to be leveled by a huge catastrophe that delivers a blow that is hard to recover from and may prove to be fatal.

Yes, the human spirit can be strong, but people also commit suicide at the rate of a million a year globally (data from the World Health Organization). King said, "We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope." At the end of the day character, strength, fortitude, perseverance, etc. are best incubated in an environment where there is a pursuit of a purpose that is greater than one's self. As we cultivate these traits within our children, it is important to help them see the much larger picture. When they know "why" they are alive and growing, it allows them to put their focus on what they need to do and how to go about it. Then life is much simpler and can be lived for shared passions and visions that bring value to all. Let's make sure we have defined our own purpose well and then lets help our children develop theirs. Best wishes to you whether you are a current or future parent! Much love.