"If you want honey, don't kick over the bee hive."

inquiringtimes (64)in #life • 7 years ago (edited)

This is a continuation of an earlier post "How to avoid saying things you'll regret later".

I'm starting to read the book, "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie. It's been recommended by many in the field of Social Dynamics, and I'm sure it has plenty of good lessons on how to relate with people better. _{(related article -@strangerarray -Dale Carnegie)}

The title of the first chapter is:

"If you want to gather Honey, Don't kick over the Beehive."

_{(photo credit - Annie Spratt)}

Each chapter has a "Principle" which it is based upon:

Part 1 Principle 1
"Don't Criticize, Condemn, or Complain"

I totally could have used the first chapter of this book forever ago, and intend to keep it in the forefront of my mind. The idea it expresses, is that criticism of others is counter-productive. Instead of achieving the effect of modifying someone's behavior, it tends to put them on the defensive. Actually, handing out criticism puts you in a bad light, not the person you are criticising.

The resentment that criticism engenders can demoralize employees, family members and friends and still not correct the situation that has been condemned. _{-Dale Carnegie}

Lets realize that criticisms are like homing pigeons. They always return home. _{-Dale Carnegie}

Not only does criticism and negative speech make you less likable, it is actually unhealthy for your brain!

In fact, just seeing a list of negative words for a few seconds will make a highly anxious or depressed person feel worse, and the more you ruminate on them, the more you can actually damage key structures that regulate your memory, feelings, and emotions. You’ll disrupt your sleep, your appetite, and your ability to experience long-term happiness and satisfaction._{PsychologyToday.com - The most Dangerous Word in the World.}

_{(img source steemit.com/@juliakponsford)}

Unfortunately, negativity wires the brain for more negativity. If you have deeply ingrained negative habits, they can take a while to reverse. We can, however, train our brains for positivity. Let us replace criticism and negativity with healthy mental habits. In this way, we shall get along better with ourselves and the world around us.

So I'll be sure to keep it positive, for a happy brain, and a happy community!

"Benjamin Franklin, tactless in his youth, became so diplomatic, so adroit at handling people, that he was made American Ambassador to France. The secret of his success? "I will speak ill of no man," he said, "... and speak all the good I know of everybody.""
_{-Dale Carnegie}