On Loving, Hurting and Moving On

I wish I could say that you get used to your heart breaking. I never did. But as much as I don’t want to get hurt, I don’t want to not love either.

It’s always hard ending a once-loving relationship. But relationships are not a matter of triviality. If it has meaning, it will hurt. Your pain is the testament of your relationship - if the pain is deep, it’s because the love was, too. Your pain is also a testament that you can love truly. Only those who love truly can hurt deeply.

As for moving on, it will not be easy. The memories will keep coming and, like merciless waves lashing on helpless shores, so will the pain.

The pain will come in a succession of waves and you will find yourself gasping for air too many times. You will drown in grief. You will not see beauty around you.

After a while, the waves will still come and they will still crash at you without mercy, but they no longer come in succession. You will find that in between the moments of grief, you can function, and you start seeing streaks of beauty.

You never know what’s going to trigger the grief - a song, the smell of coffee, the puddles of rain in your garden - it can be anything… you never know when, but sure as day, the pain will come.

Then somewhere down the line, the waves will crash further apart and now you can see them coming - on rainy days, on Christmas, or on a busy cafe where you used to drink espressos. You can now recognize the triggers and prepare yourself. The pain will wash over you once again, but you are prepared.

The waves will keep coming, until they come no more. New waves will replace them, and you’ll survive them too.

If in your lifetime you encounter lots of waves from lots of love, you’re lucky. Not all can love truly, over and over again.