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Let's get one thing straight right off the bat. I don't like people who act hold and cold. I don't like mixed messages or mixed signals. Be it in a relationship or friendship or even in business. I don't like it and I never will. You got it? Good. Now we can continue.

Everyone gets them. That person whom you just cannot seem to read. That individual who blows hot the one minute and in a millisecond blows cold the next. It's confusing, it's frustrating, and quite frankly, it's a waste of one's time. Why do people act this way? Do they not know how frustrating it is?

I love consistency, stability. If I hang out with you I want to know where I stand. Now why do I have to be so "anal" about this? Why can't I just go with the flow and let things be the way they are with this individual? I'll tell you why, and this next image sums it up perfectly.

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You see, I'm not 21 anymore. I'm not that reckless, no consequences guy I used to be years ago. I'm older, wiser ( in certain areas ;P ) and focused. If I was the person I was 15 or 20 years ago I wouldn't be writing this article, but I'm not. ( Wait, how !!@$ old are you? ) lol

I have had people in my life that blow hot & cold. Friendships, business clients and yes, even relationships. I cannot tell you the amount of #@!$ I had to put up with on a daily basis. Business clients that give you the green light on a business deal & then at the last minute back out with no reason whatsoever. Friendships that are great and develop trust just to be shattered by that ice cold, distant behaviour without warning.

Relationships, oh my word, relationships, where you are loved and promised the moon ( Ed - BTC reference? ) just to be greeted with an Ice Queen. In a matter of minutes. Allow me to insert a wtf here. I have even thought to myself that these individuals might suffer from some sort of emotional behaviour problem like BPD, but as you study the patterns you become aware of a trend that emerges with these individuals.

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I'm the type of person that when I see something is off, I keep quiet. I observe and make mental notes to see if a pattern emerges. Why? Because everyone is human, everyone makes mistakes and I cannot judge you on one mistake you've made. Heck, I cannot judge you in general because who am I to do that? However when I see something amiss, I observe silently. Then when I see a pattern, I take action.

• I calmly and respectfully approach you with said observation and try to hear your side.
• I listen to what you have to say without interrupting you.
• We discuss the issue and see if we cannot come up with a resolution or a compromise that suits both parties.
• If you don't see anything wrong in your behaviour I accept that and walk away.

You see, it's not to say it's the person's fault. Don't get mad at them or judge them because of this. You don't know what they went through when they were little, or what traumatic experience(s) in their lives might have brought this on. Maybe as I mentioned earlier it's a personality disorder, but is that their fault? My answer would be NO, it isn't. However, that doesn't make it acceptable for you to receive these mixed signals.

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Your heading said "Dealing with hot and cold people". Get to it.

Fine. For me the best way to approach and deal with these type of individuals is honest, direct questioning. When speaking to them be direct, after all what have you got to lose? If you're met with hostility or resistance than you have your answer. This individual is in it for an ego boost and doesn't have the skillset to have a relationship with you, be it romantic or friendly.

Just walk away. You can better spend your time with someone who is consistant in their behaviour and who is honest with you.

On the flip side, when questioning the individual, do they respond with guilt or concern? Then you might have stumbled upon valuable information where this person could possibly be fearful or highly sensitive. Converse with them in a respectful manner, showing love & care while doing so, and find out if this person is capable of trusting you with their emotions or feelings. Ask them if they want to explore the possibility of having a relationship with you long term or even short term.

Ask, ask, ask, but above all, remain respectful. This is key, for me at least. I believe that you always respect your fellow man regardless if he treats you like garbage. Queue previous posts lol

This is how I deal with hot & cold people. If you're overall a good guy / girl and I want to hang out with you, then by all means I will. But if you're going to blow hot and cold over and over and over again, then with all due respect, if we cannot come to a solution or compromise, I will be left with no option to walk away.

Erm, but if you always going to walk away from people then you're going to be one lonely guy. Yes, in a sense that is true, but I'd rather have 5 consistent stable people in my life than 50 random "let's roll the dice and see which personality we get today" people.

Disclaimer: The views expressed in this article are mine and mine alone. In no way am I a qualified psychiatrist or therapist. It's just how I deal with things my way.

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